A broken system full of brokenness

   So Today is November 30th the last day of national adoption month.  I have blogged almost everyday and today will be my final blog in the series on Adoption.  Today I want to deal with the call to foster care and adoption (international, domestic, and any other way it can happen).  This is a ministry I feel many are called to, yet few answer the call.

   Often times we think or say "It is a broken system full of corruption, how can I make a difference?"  Well you can be the one that isn't corrupt.  If it is international adoption you can make sure that your child isn't a trafficked child.  You can do this by making sure your agency is upstanding and does due diligence some people even hire their own personal private investigator.  If you are going to adopt domestically through the foster care system you can be that safe family.  You can be the one that stands up for what is right.  The LORD never promised that when he called us into ministry it would be safe.  In fact it is just the opposite.  We are living a life devoted to the LORD.  It isn't comfortable or safe when you love with your whole heart, but it is full of purpose and blessings.  In Roman times unwanted children were left to die in fields and on the side of roads, Christians adopted these children and at the risk of death.  I think that the risks we are taking are far smaller then some of our ancestors.

In response to fear we should turn to God's word for answers.

Isaiah 41:10  So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for i am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand.

Isaiah 41:13  For I am the LORD your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you Do Not Fear; I will  help you.

Isaiah 43:1-2 But now, this is what the LORD says he who created you, O Jacob, he formed you, O Israel: "Fear not for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.  When you pass through the waters , I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers they will not sweep over you.  when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.

Do you believe these promises?  If you do then the call should not bring up fear, but anticipation for what the LORD will do through you.

International or domestic you are dealing with a broken system because this is a broken world.  Don't run the other way because the system is broken.  The children in the system need you. They need love, they need hope, they need healing.  Brokenness should draw you in because the answer to brokenness lives in you and through you.

I could put all the verses that talk about defending the fatherless and taking care of the orphan but you already know that list is endless.  So I will just put one verse up that I think sums it all up.

James 1:27a  Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress...

I was at an adoption prayer group the other day and two ladies shared what their husbands said about adopting "Our lives are too easy, our lives are not meant to be easy."  I thought this was such a neat way to look at life.  Why are we always looking to make our lives easier?  The LORD did not call us to an easy life. He did not call us to a life free from hurts. What He did promise was to redeem and bring beauty from ashes.  He also promised to be with us as we walked through trials.

The orphan issue can be overwhelming when we look at the numbers, so don't look at the numbers anymore just resolve to make a difference in just one orphans life.  I challenge you to just take in one orphan if you are feeling called.  Maybe it will be through foster care, or maybe you will travel to Ethiopia or Russia.  It may be a baby or a teenager.  Maybe you know a teenager who may not be up for "adoption" in the legal sense but you know they are lacking a family.  There are so many ways this can look.

I hope this song will encourage you to not let fear overcome.  You can adopt not because you have the ability or the time but because the LORD will equip you.  "The God of angel armies is always by your side."

John 14:18 I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.

What is the LORD calling you to do?

Things to think about...

NATURAL CHILD: Any child who is not artificial. 

REAL PARENTS: Any parent who is not imaginary. 

YOUR OWN CHILD: Any child who is not someone else's child. 

ADOPTED CHILD: A natural child, with a real parent, who is all my own.

Sometimes a song fits

Unexpected Feelings

   Today is little man's b-day.  We were ready to celebrate.  We had a party planned and lots of people were coming.  It was joyous to wake up with our Big 1 year old.  But there was one thing I didn't expect as the day went on.  I began to feel sad.  I felt sad that I knew his parents probably wouldn't call or write or send a card.  I tried not to get choked up but I really was sad.  Even now at 8pm even with little man fast asleep I wish they would call.

   I wish they knew we prayed for them every night.  That what we really wish is that they would become healthy and that little man could know them.  I wish they knew that we loved them too.

  My feelings of sadness are mixed with so much gratefulness for the fact that so much of his bio family is in his life.  That we have pictures from the day he was born.  That his Aunt and I are so close and that we have all become like family.  Little man will definitely always know he is loved and by ALOT of people.  You should have seen the group picture.  Well soon soon I will be able to post it.  And it only shows a small portion of all the love he has in his life

Need and Necessity

    Today is black Friday.  The day when Americans go out and shop to get the best deals for the things they "need"  oh how our priorities are off.  When there are children without homes we call the new TV a need?  Maybe just maybe if we understood the true meaning of the word need we would be able to see that we are overflowing and we have no lack of need.  There are things we may want but not things we need.  I am guilty of this too. In fact this year I was guilty of saying "Honey I think we need a flat screen I mean they are so cheap right now."  So really what I should have said was "wow flat screens are so cheap it would be nice to get one."

   My challenge today as we go into the gift buying frenzy is to remember that there are some children who will receive no gifts and have no family.  A child without a place to call home is someone in need not a family without a flat screen.

Thankfulness

    Today I am Thankful for so month but after Thanksgiving 2011 Thanksgiving will be extra special.  It will be the day our family grew.  It didn't just grow by one little man though it grew another 2 aunts another grandma another grandpa, uncles, and lots of cousins.  The best part is we ate Thanksgiving dinner having no idea, but talking with friends about our dreams of what life would be like when our family grew.  You see you always think it will be one way but the LORD always blesses you in ways you never expect.  Today I am thankful for family and the fact that family is so much more then blood.  Family is love.  So open your heart and let some love in :)

Anniversaries

    Thanksgiving this year marks the anniversary for a few things for us.  On the Tuesday before Thanksgiving 2011 we received our first placement call from the county.  The placement never came to our home but it taught us a lot.  The phone call came at 11am it was basically a get ready and wait for another call.  The day moved on and I checked my phone constantly waiting and waiting.  Around 5 the phone rang and we were told you are on call for the whole Thanksgiving weekend.  I don't know who will call you or when.  So there we were wondering where a child we didn't know was.  Wondering how they were if they were safe, if they were warm, if they were hungry.  Oh man, I didn't know I could worry about a little one I didn't know that much.  It prepared us for the unpredictable life we were entering.  Where up means down and left means right.  Not on purpose, it's just the name of the game.  As I reflect I see how much these few days before little man grew us.  We went to Thanksgiving and everyone knew we may run out the door to pick up a little one.  We all talked and we explained why we wanted to walk this crazy journey.  It reaffirmed everything and little did we know less then 24 hours later we would get a call that would change the rest of our lives.

One year ago the rubber hit the road and we haven't stopped since :)

Bio Family: Guest Post

A little window into the world of bio family...

If you have adopted a child or are thinking about adoption or foster care please do not be afraid of the child’s biological family. The one who messed up or has struggles which placed the child in your care is not indicative of the rest of his or her family. I am speaking from experience, my brother is an addict.  He cannot take care of himself, let alone a child. The system truly works sometimes and in my case it has been a blessing. A beautiful family with open arms welcomed the baby into their home. With an open and trusting heart they let me be involved with the baby and as a result, the baby has an even bigger family to love him.  Give family members a chance and if they respect your boundaries and love the child then you will receive blessings as well.  There is no such thing as too much love!

Pain and Grief

   This post is on a not so fun subject but a very necessary subject.  It's the issue of pain and grieving in adoption.  Adoption is beautiful yes but is also full of pain and grief. I know we hear those words and think run, run far away!  But you don't want to run far away; the beauty of adoption is that it is a redemptive story. So we need to walk through the pain and grief so that the LORD can bring beauty from ashes.

    Grief for an older child is probably pretty obvious right?  They lost the only family they ever knew.  It may have been broken and abusive.  Many of their basic needs may not have been met.  But they lost their mother and their father.  One thing I think many people don't realize or think about is that a little newborn goes through the same loss.

     Our little one grew in his mothers belly, he listened to her voice and heart everyday, and he heard his fathers voice everyday.  She birthed him.  From inside her belly he went onto her chest.  And then within 24 hours she was gone.  I know it isn't a conscious loss but even just typing that out as his mother my heart aches for him.  This hurt is a part of the beauty of his story but none the less it is a part of his story.  When he gets older I know the questions will come "mommy why didn't I grow in your belly?"  Mommy "why couldn't I stay with my first mommy?"  And who knows what else.  We could sluff it off with "you grew in our heart and you are right where God planned for you to be."  While these things are true, they would deny the true heart wrenching loss he experienced.

   The other thing about this is that I as his mother experienced some huge losses in this.  He didn't grow in my belly; I lost those 9 months of bonding and love together and he never nursed at my breast.  And when I first met him my voice was strange to him; he didn't know me and i didn't know him.  It was love at first sight don't get me wrong.  But I still missed out on part of his life.

   So this leaves us with two choices pretend none of this happened and cover it up with pretty words and clever sayings.  Or we can face the pain and the grief head on acknowledging it, crying over it, and handing it over to the LORD, so he can make beauty from ashes.

A Teen and Twins

This is a beautiful article about a local family who adopted a teen out of a group home and then were placed with twins :)  It is truly beautiful!

A Teen and Twins

It's not about a Childless family

   I often hear people say "well if I couldn't get pregnant then I would adopt."  There is one huge problem with this statement, adoption isn't about a childless family getting a child.  It is about a child with out a family getting a family.  When we refocus our attention to the fact that orphans are children without home, without a mother, without a father.  Then we realize how heartbreaking this situation really is.

   Close your eyes and picture that child without a place to call home, a bed to call their own, someone to call mom.  There are many more orphans then there are childless families.  These children are not only blessings to families without children they are blessings to families with children.  The reason they are blessings though is because you can see the heart of the LORD.  The LORD loves this children, he loves his children.  We are all adopted into his family as well and that is why adoption is beautiful because it is a reflection God's love for all of us.

The Call

   A little window into what it looks and feels like when you get a call.  When we said we would take calls we got our first call a few weeks later.  The first call was for a 2 year old and then that fell through in a sense.  The second phone call came a few days later and that was for little man.  It is a whirlwind when you get the phone calls and we have had time to prepare.  It's this crazy thing where often you don't even have a name just a gender and an age and you already care so much.  You want them to be safe and feel safe.  You want them to be fed, and warm, and you can't wait to hold them in your arms.

   So if your wondering if you will be able to love enough or if your love will come right away.  Well I didn't realize that it would come with a phone call stating the gender and age so I think you will be fine :)

Guest post from Daddy Stone

When I think about families taking in kids, I'm puzzled why so many men seem to have a negative view of foster care and adoption. In our culture today, men see opening up their homes as a new struggle and added stress.  Some would ask, "why would I do that, isn't that what people do when they can't have children?"

There have been a few men that have come along side me in my life and they have altered my perspective and opened my eyes.  I know some men and some friends that have been there for me and they were the examples and inspiration I needed to change for the better.  I feel bonded to them and close to them, even though we are not related by blood.

When it comes to the outcasts and broken in society, it usually seems to be the women that step up and make a difference.  Its always the women that ask the men to stand in the gap for the helpless.  My encouragement to the men is to stand up for what they know is true and good, to take the torch and lead the way. I challenge the fathers to imagine what our world would like if we opened up our homes to kids in need, to kids with lots of love to share.

Chasing Mavericks and Adoption: It's not always what you think

    Last night Dustin and I were able to go on a much needed date night.  It's been a while since we went on a date and even longer since we have gone to the movies.  Since I married a surfer and we live in Santa Cruz seeing  Chasing Mavericks in the theaters was a must.  Surfing on the big screen...even I say YES!!!

    Chasing Maverick was everything I thought it would be.  It was full of all the familiar places we know and love since it was filmed her in Santa Cruz.  We had fun looking for our friend who was a surfing stunt double.
Dustin of course noticed him immediately.  But there was something surprising about the story that I didn't expect.  You see it was really a story about adoption.  It was an adoption that took place without anyone realizing it.  Jay needed a father and really a mom too.  And Frosty and his wife adopted him without realizing it.  The movie ends with both of them realizing this.  They loved each other like family even though they weren't blood related even though no court had ever declared it.  Because you see adoption is a matter of the heart not a matter of paper and courts.  When they say an adopted child is born in your heart it is so true.

    Today I am thankful for a wonderful date night that the LORD used to encourage us that adoption is so much more then a paper and that our only job is to love each child that comes into our home.

All they really want...

    I am on prayer team at church and today I was asked to pray for two teenage girls who live in a group home.  I asked for their prayer request and they both had the same simple request.  They both said "Could you pray for a good foster home for me?"  Wow!  One simple request from these beautiful girls!  It was the first time i was face to face with a teenager that didn't have a place to call home.

     Today's challenge is simple.  I am asking you to join me in prayer today and ask that the LORD would open our hearts to love these amazing children.  That he would provide everything preventing families from taking them in like emotional fears to housing or time.

When love takes you in

This song perfectly describes adoption.  It is the moment when love takes you in!

I know you’ve heard the stories 

But they all sound too good to be true 

You’ve heard about a place called home 

But there doesn’t seem to be one for you 

So one more night you cry yourself to sleep 

And drift off to a distant dream

Where love takes you in and everything changes 

A miracle starts with the beat of a heart 

When love takes you home and says you belong here 

The loneliness ends and a new life begins 

When love takes you in

And somewhere while you’re sleeping 

Someone else is dreaming too 

Counting down the days until 

They hold you close and say I love you 

And like the rain that falls into the sea 

In a moment what has been is lost in what will be

When love takes you in everything changes 

A miracle starts with the beat of a heart

And this love will never let you go 

There is nothing that could ever

cause this love to lose its hold

When love takes you in everything changes 

A miracle starts with the beat of a heart 

When love takes you home and says you belong here 

The loneliness ends and a new life begins 

When love takes you in it takes you in for good 

When love takes you in

Time

    Today I want to acknowledge that sometimes it takes time for the LORD to prepare us to widen our tent.  Lately I have heard these statements a lot.  "This is something I never thought about but the LORD is opening my heart."  I have had friends have dreams and other friends say "wow I just keep running into this."  

    You see we are stubborn little humans.  Often thinking about how we can't do this.  How would I have the patience?  How would I have the room?  How could we do that, I already feel so full?  Well here is what I have to say if that is what you are praying/asking....your heart has already been captured.  It is just a matter of time until you surrender and realize the LORD will take care of all those minor details.  Because you see to him those are minor things.  

    Just sit and wait as he strips away the fear, the anxiety, the worry, and he slowly draws you to the child(ren) he has chosen for you.  Adoption is God's plan for every family because you are adopted already!  You are in his forever family and it is a blessing for you to be someones forever family as well.

John 14:18  I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.

Inernational part 2

This is a video of Lucy Lane's gotcha day.  I pretty much cried through the entire 10 minutes.  This video is a beautiful adoption story that also shares some heart breaking statistics about orphans in Ethiopia.  Warning you won't be the same after watching this video.

International Adoption

So with all my focus on domestic adoption I thought today I should focus on international adoption.  This is a great need as well.  In third world countries when children are orphaned there is often no one local who can adopt them.  The numbers of orphans around the world are staggering.  In Asia and Africa children are orphaned every day due to AIDS and poverty.  And then there are always the eastern European countries with children who are left in their cribs all day at the orphanage because there isn't enough staff to care for all of them.

The orphan care can seem so overwhelming so insurmountable.  My encouragement is this, you help one at a time and you recruit others to help as well.  We shouldn't be doing this alone.  1/3 of Americans have considered adoption but no more then 2% have actually followed through.  What if just 10% of us followed through and adopted. Can you imagine? I don't think it would be a crisis anymore!

"We learned that orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names. They are easier to ignore before you see their faces. It is easier to pretend they're not real before you hold them in your arms. But once YOU DO everything changes." David Platt

For information on international adoption here is a link to a couple organizations that can help.

www.lifesongfororphans.org

http://www.bethany.org/

ANd here is a link to someones story of an airport party that made me cry
http://beskfamily.blogspot.com/2012/11/airport-parties.html

what if?

   So yesterday I was meeting with the head of recruitment from our county (Santa Cruz).  We share our very fun and unique name Anastasia.  I really love spending time with her and coming up with ways to get more families to love on these awesome children.  While we were chatting I had a vision for these teens in foster care and i thought I would share it with you.

   We were talking about how intimidating it is to think about taking in a teenager.  We both agreed that when we started this process we were intimidated but once you get to know them they aren't all that bad.  In fact some of them are really fun to hang out with.  So onto my dream.  What if we had so many homes willing to take in teens that we could literally match them according to their interests.  Like if you were to take our house for example, they may place a young man that loved to surf.  Or a young lady that loves to dance.  For children who have been through so much and have such a hard time trusting it would mean the world to walk into a home where you could relate on some level to your foster parent(s).

   Instead of teens being hard to place my dream is that we  would have so many homes we could do some awesome matchmaking :)

I don't know what to do?

    I have been writing a lot about becoming a foster and adoptive parent and i know you can't just do that in a day.  So today I am focusing on how you can help these sweet children today!

    So the best idea i have heard yet is Journey bags. Take a minute to picture this, a child is removed from their home and often times have nothing.  There have been stories of children showing up in a diaper with a bottle at their foster home.  I can't even imagine how scared and alone these children must feel.  Can you imagine if when they were picked up by the social worker she had a brand new backpack full of new clothes, maybe a couple of books, a cuddly stuffed animal, and some healthy snacks? What a difference that backpack could make!

     My friend Erin did this at her church.  Everyone signed up to get a backpack and fill it for children who could use it on their journey.  They filled up backpacks for children of ages.

You can't tell from this picture but there is a mountain of back packs!  What if today you considered getting a group of people together to create journey bags to show these children they aren't just a case file they are a loved child and they matter.  No special training required for this!  My challenge in creating these bags is remember to fill them with things you would give your children.  New clothes show these children they matter just as much as any child.  :)

I asked today what one of the greatest needs was and it is underwear for children ages 0-18.  In other words everyone needs some new undies.  

If you would like to organize a journey bag drive please send me an e-mail at familystone0507@gmail.com.  I will give you some check lists and instructions for creating the awesome bags to love these awesome children!

Heart Change

        My "it will hurt" post received a lot of hits and feed back, so today I thought I would expand on that.  You see I have to tell you where our hearts began when we started this process.  
         So in the beginning we said we would love to give a home to a child that lives in our city/state.  We felt called to love a child from the US that needed a home.  We thought we will take a "safe" child.  So we searched out options with the county and with Hand in Hand, a local foundation.  We met with Hand in Hand and then we went to the county orientation night.  We went back and forth for awhile and decided to start the classes with the county even though we still felt a bit undecided.  As classes began, the LORD began to move on our hearts.  What surprised us was how much our hearts broke for the parents of these children in the system.  The parents were in dire need of help and love too.  We also started to come to the place of realizing that the children that had grown inside of me did not belong to us.  
         We experienced a few things that showed us in a real way that we were not in control of how long our children would be with us.  One was what happen to Dustin's college pastor.   The pastor's daughter was diagnosed twice with a rare form of cancer.  This is when we made the big change.  We decided to tell the county we would take any child whether they would stay for a week, a month, or forever.  This was a big deal for us and lots of people looked at us like we were crazy.  I mean it wasn't just our hearts but the girls as well.  We knew that the LORD was the one who led us here with words of truth, so we pushed forward. Just before we finished paperwork and said we were ready to take placement I attended a friends birth.  Her little girl was born into the LORDs arms and I learned once again that this would not be done by my strength but by the LORDS.  I realized that not one of my child's days was promised to me.  What was promised was the strength to love them and the blessing that loving them would bring.  Three months later we got our first call and this crazy journey began.  We learned that we would love children before we even met them.  We learned that we would love them more than we ever thought possible.  And we learned that our children's love for them would not change when they were told these kids could go back to their parents and have to leave our family.

You can do this, but not because you have the strength to do it but because the LORD will be your strength.

Music is often a way the LORD speaks to me and I think this song speaks volumes about life, but also specifically the bumpy road of foster care and adoption.  

"one day you will set all things right. When my world is shaking, heaven stands.  When my heart is breaking, I never leave your hands."

Day 3: Foster Youth, the crisis

The Crisis

   The worst crisis in the foster care system is what happens to the teenagers when they are on their own. Today I want to focus on  a ministry that is very close to my heart, ReGenesis Rising.  ReGenesis Rising is an organization that meets these youth as they "age out" of the foster-care system.  They give these youth a home, a mentor and so much more.

   I could sing their praises all day long but the truth is they are just being obedient to the LORD.  I know many involved personally and can attest to their upstanding character and their desire to seek the LORD in all they do.  

  A few months back I posted some staggering statistics about children who age out of the foster-care system.  Here they are again so you can see how devastating this crisis is.

• On any given day more than 500,000 youth are in some form of foster care across the United States. Nearly 80,000 live in California.
• Nationally, each year an estimated 20,000 of these youth emancipate or “age out” of the foster care system, and are discharged into the world, whether or not they are prepared to transition to adulthood. 65% of them do so without a place to live and many don’t have the skills necessary to live on their own.
• Over 70% of all state penitentiary inmates have spent time in the foster care system.
• Over 40% of foster youth are moved 3 or more times and 11% are moved 5 times or more. It takes approximately 4-6 months for a child to recover academically after changing schools.
• Former foster youth experience Post Traumatic Stress Disorder at a rate two times the level of U.S. war vets.
• 51% of the youth are unemployed within 2-4 years of emancipation.
• 67% of females who emancipated form the child welfare system had at least one baby within 5 years of leaving care.
• Without housing, youth are less likely to complete their education, find employment, and gain access to health care, all of which jeopardize their ability to make a successful transition to adulthood.

Today I am asking that you pray about how you can be involved in the solution.  Could you take in a foster youth so that they don't age out of the system?  Could you mentor a teen?  Could you help to start a ReGenesis where you live?

So that you aren't left without hope watch this video about hope rising at ReGenesis in Orange County.

http://vimeo.com/41011641

To learn more about this organization you can visit their website http://regenesisrising.org/

It will hurt

   Many times people say " I can't do fost/adopt because, what if the child leaves?  It will break my heart and it will be so hard."  Well you're right it will hurt.  But I am here to tell you that's a good thing and you are the kind of parent who should be a foster parent.  It will hurt because you will love them with your whole heart which is exactly what they need.
   When we thought our little one might leave I fell apart; I was full of tears.  And no one had said he was leaving for sure, there was just a chance.  As a Christian I know those are the times I have to remember that none of my children are "mine".  They are the LORDS.  Would I wish I had not had one of my girls if I found out they were dying?  No I would wish I had loved them more.  I would be thankful for the time I had with them.  Would it hurt?  Of course it would but I would still be blessed by them.  Take a minute to shift  your thoughts from "my broken heart if they go," to "what this child needs is someone to love them with their whole heart."

If you think you would be heartbroken if/when a foster child left your home you are the perfect person for the job :)

National adoption month

November is national adoption month, so this month I am going to dedicate to blogging about adoption.  My goal is to blog once a day.  My hope is that your eyes and heart will be opened to the orphans of this county, state, country and world.

Today I would like to shed some light on some statistics.  There was a recent youtube video titled 8 adoption facts that will surprise you.  I will list the facts below and a link to the video.  When reading the questions ask yourself how can I make a difference.

8 Adoption Facts that will Surprise you:

• There are more orphans in sub-Saharan Africa than children in Denmark, Ireland, Norway, Canada, and Sweden combined.
• For every child born in the US two are orphaned in Asia
• There are more orphans in the world than there are people in the UK and France combined.
• 250,000 children are adopted each year, 14 million age out of the system. That's 14 million children that didn't get adopted.
• There are more orphans in India than in the combined populations of the top 15 cities in the U.S.
• Approximately 30,00 children "age out" of the American foster care system each year
• More then 1/3 of Americans have considered adopting, but no more that 2% have actually adopted. Have you considered adoption?  Maybe it's time to make that 2% higher?
• If 1 family in every 3 US churches adopted a child, we would adopt every child in need of a family in the US!  I am guessing that more than 1 family in every 3 churches is being called to adopt since the LORD is very clear that orphans are close to his heart.

Please take the time to pray and ask the LORD how he is calling to to defend the fatherless.