It's that time of year when I try to pick up my blog and try to blog everyday. I might be successful and I might not be but I will do my best. This year I am going to try to tackle some new ideas this year. If you have a subject surrounding foster care and adoption you would like me to tackle let me know and I will do my best. I will even try to rope the hubby into writing a post this month.
So I will leave this post plain and simple I challenge everyone to pray this month. Pray everyday for orphans. For children who find themselves in foster care. For parents who have had their children removed from their home. For Judges. For Social workers. For foster parents. For adoptive parents. For everyone else involved with children in the varying forms of care. And as we should always do ask the LORD what he is calling you to do.
For the last almost 3 years our family has walked through a lot of loss and unexpected hard things with friends. We have always had a heart for adoption but the LORD used this losses to change our idea of what that would look like. Yesterday I was reminded again why we said we would take a child even if they didn't stay forever. And that is because our children our not our own they are the LORDS we are just entrusted with their care for a time.
So here is a little window into our past 3 years or so. My husbands college pastor's 5 year old daughter was diagnosed with a rare form a cancer that wound up taking her life earlier this year. A dear friend was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer and passed away a few months later. I was with another friend while she labored and her daughter was born into the arms of Jesus. Then this year a dear friend was diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia and she almost passed away more then once. A friend had a referral for and international adoption and before they were able to bring him home he went to be with the LORD. And then most recently a friends child was given a diagnosis that was devastating about half way through her pregnancy. He was born on Monday and they had wonderful hour with him before he went to be with the LORD.
Wow I look back at that and think how did all of that happen in such a short amount of time. I guess you might say "aren't you angry with God?" I'm not mad, I do sometimes ask why, and then I remember this is a fallen world full of sickness and disease. If the LORD answered me why I probably wouldn't understand. I just need to trust him and lean on him. I try to remember the verse "Jesus wept." Jesus knew he would raise Lazarus from the dead yet he wept.
All of this loss has reminded my heart that my children belong to LORD that my husband belongs to the LORD. My everything is the LORDS. I need to savor each moment as if it were my last. And in the midst of the tears to remember "Death has died and Love has won!"
I am thankful that one day there will be no more tears. I am thankful that the LORD overcame death. I am thankful that he grew babies in my tummy. I am thankful that he placed babies in my home through adoption. I am thankful he didn't tell me what that journey would have looked like or I might not have stepped out. He has called us to put one foot in front of the other. To treat every day as a gift. And to not be afraid of death.
So today I will love my babies. I will have parenthood parties on the oncology unit with my sweet friend. I will care about the important things and not worry about the things that don't matter. I will let go of religious rules and just love. I won't try to be super-mom. I will be vulnerable and real. Today I will rebuke fear and step out in faith saying yes to wherever the LORD may lead.
I want to add that it is so often true that Joy and sorrow flow mingled down. almost exactly two years ago our we received our first foster placement a baby boy. We adopted him on July 26th of this year. and in March his biological twin siblings were placed with us. We will adopt them this month. Friends had babies and many parties and celebrations were had as well. God is good! All the time God is good!
Below is a song that spoke to my heart yesterday in the middle of my grief.
Sometime ago I listened to a sermon that Britt Merrick preached and in it he said it's not safe to follow Jesus. He spoke about when a family friend was going on a mission trip and her started to write "be safe". He said he stopped himself when he realized Jesus never called us to be safe in fact he called us to do quite the opposite.
As we have been walking this path of adoption Dustin and I have quickly realized that when we live a life that isn't safe it is full of lots of hurt but also lots of blessings. As you have read in the past we started off the Journey looking for a "safe" adoption plan. A child that was on the road to adoption with a low risk of going back. As the LORD worked on our hearts we found ourselves saying it doesn't matter how long they will stay we will love them anyway. We will love them with all we have and hold nothing back.
The LORD had used Britt and Kate Merrick to show us our children were a gift. And that everyday we have with them is a gift. A couple of weeks ago Britt and Kate's daughter Daisy (age 8) went to be with the LORD. She has changed many lives across the world. The LORD used her suffering through 4 cancer diagnosis for his glory. We loved harder and more willingly as we watched this story unfold. When I watched the memorial last Saturday it was full of laughter and tears. They web cast it and I along with almost 4,000 others watched from home as they filled up the auditorium they had used in Santa Barbara.
Adoption is risky. Following Jesus is risky. But oh it's so worth it. Because when you get that child in your arms you will know that God choose you to be their parent. It maybe for a week or a month or maybe 65 years. But he choose you to love them. So don't be afraid if they may leave tomorrow or next week, just love them anyway.
When you encounter the birth parents love them with all you have. They need your love too. When you are dealing with social workers and Judges love them with all you have. In the end love wins. We need to not be afraid we just need to love everyone like Jesus. You will never say I loved them too much.
To read more of Daisy's story you can visit Pray For Daisy
There is a blog and multiple videos including her memorial service.
Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and courageous. do not be afraid or terrified of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you or forsake you.
Today is little man's b-day. We were ready to celebrate. We had a party planned and lots of people were coming. It was joyous to wake up with our Big 1 year old. But there was one thing I didn't expect as the day went on. I began to feel sad. I felt sad that I knew his parents probably wouldn't call or write or send a card. I tried not to get choked up but I really was sad. Even now at 8pm even with little man fast asleep I wish they would call.
I wish they knew we prayed for them every night. That what we really wish is that they would become healthy and that little man could know them. I wish they knew that we loved them too.
My feelings of sadness are mixed with so much gratefulness for the fact that so much of his bio family is in his life. That we have pictures from the day he was born. That his Aunt and I are so close and that we have all become like family. Little man will definitely always know he is loved and by ALOT of people. You should have seen the group picture. Well soon soon I will be able to post it. And it only shows a small portion of all the love he has in his life
Today I am Thankful for so month but after Thanksgiving 2011 Thanksgiving will be extra special. It will be the day our family grew. It didn't just grow by one little man though it grew another 2 aunts another grandma another grandpa, uncles, and lots of cousins. The best part is we ate Thanksgiving dinner having no idea, but talking with friends about our dreams of what life would be like when our family grew. You see you always think it will be one way but the LORD always blesses you in ways you never expect. Today I am thankful for family and the fact that family is so much more then blood. Family is love. So open your heart and let some love in :)
Thanksgiving this year marks the anniversary for a few things for us. On the Tuesday before Thanksgiving 2011 we received our first placement call from the county. The placement never came to our home but it taught us a lot. The phone call came at 11am it was basically a get ready and wait for another call. The day moved on and I checked my phone constantly waiting and waiting. Around 5 the phone rang and we were told you are on call for the whole Thanksgiving weekend. I don't know who will call you or when. So there we were wondering where a child we didn't know was. Wondering how they were if they were safe, if they were warm, if they were hungry. Oh man, I didn't know I could worry about a little one I didn't know that much. It prepared us for the unpredictable life we were entering. Where up means down and left means right. Not on purpose, it's just the name of the game. As I reflect I see how much these few days before little man grew us. We went to Thanksgiving and everyone knew we may run out the door to pick up a little one. We all talked and we explained why we wanted to walk this crazy journey. It reaffirmed everything and little did we know less then 24 hours later we would get a call that would change the rest of our lives.
One year ago the rubber hit the road and we haven't stopped since :)
If you have adopted a child or are thinking about adoption or foster care please do not be afraid of the child’s biological family. The one who messed up or has struggles which placed the child in your care is not indicative of the rest of his or her family. I am speaking from experience, my brother is an addict. He cannot take care of himself, let alone a child. The system truly works sometimes and in my case it has been a blessing. A beautiful family with open arms welcomed the baby into their home. With an open and trusting heart they let me be involved with the baby and as a result, the baby has an even bigger family to love him. Give family members a chance and if they respect your boundaries and love the child then you will receive blessings as well. There is no such thing as too much love!
This post is on a not so fun subject but a very necessary subject. It's the issue of pain and grieving in adoption. Adoption is beautiful yes but is also full of pain and grief. I know we hear those words and think run, run far away! But you don't want to run far away; the beauty of adoption is that it is a redemptive story. So we need to walk through the pain and grief so that the LORD can bring beauty from ashes.
Grief for an older child is probably pretty obvious right? They lost the only family they ever knew. It may have been broken and abusive. Many of their basic needs may not have been met. But they lost their mother and their father. One thing I think many people don't realize or think about is that a little newborn goes through the same loss.
Our little one grew in his mothers belly, he listened to her voice and heart everyday, and he heard his fathers voice everyday. She birthed him. From inside her belly he went onto her chest. And then within 24 hours she was gone. I know it isn't a conscious loss but even just typing that out as his mother my heart aches for him. This hurt is a part of the beauty of his story but none the less it is a part of his story. When he gets older I know the questions will come "mommy why didn't I grow in your belly?" Mommy "why couldn't I stay with my first mommy?" And who knows what else. We could sluff it off with "you grew in our heart and you are right where God planned for you to be." While these things are true, they would deny the true heart wrenching loss he experienced.
The other thing about this is that I as his mother experienced some huge losses in this. He didn't grow in my belly; I lost those 9 months of bonding and love together and he never nursed at my breast. And when I first met him my voice was strange to him; he didn't know me and i didn't know him. It was love at first sight don't get me wrong. But I still missed out on part of his life.
So this leaves us with two choices pretend none of this happened and cover it up with pretty words and clever sayings. Or we can face the pain and the grief head on acknowledging it, crying over it, and handing it over to the LORD, so he can make beauty from ashes.
I often hear people say "well if I couldn't get pregnant then I would adopt." There is one huge problem with this statement, adoption isn't about a childless family getting a child. It is about a child with out a family getting a family. When we refocus our attention to the fact that orphans are children without home, without a mother, without a father. Then we realize how heartbreaking this situation really is.
Close your eyes and picture that child without a place to call home, a bed to call their own, someone to call mom. There are many more orphans then there are childless families. These children are not only blessings to families without children they are blessings to families with children. The reason they are blessings though is because you can see the heart of the LORD. The LORD loves this children, he loves his children. We are all adopted into his family as well and that is why adoption is beautiful because it is a reflection God's love for all of us.
When I think about families taking in kids, I'm puzzled why so many men seem to have a negative view of foster care and adoption. In our culture today, men see opening up their homes as a new struggle and added stress. Some would ask, "why would I do that, isn't that what people do when they can't have children?"
There have been a few men that have come along side me in my life and they have altered my perspective and opened my eyes. I know some men and some friends that have been there for me and they were the examples and inspiration I needed to change for the better. I feel bonded to them and close to them, even though we are not related by blood.
When it comes to the outcasts and broken in society, it usually seems to be the women that step up and make a difference. Its always the women that ask the men to stand in the gap for the helpless. My encouragement to the men is to stand up for what they know is true and good, to take the torch and lead the way. I challenge the fathers to imagine what our world would like if we opened up our homes to kids in need, to kids with lots of love to share.
Last night Dustin and I were able to go on a much needed date night. It's been a while since we went on a date and even longer since we have gone to the movies. Since I married a surfer and we live in Santa Cruz seeing Chasing Mavericks in the theaters was a must. Surfing on the big screen...even I say YES!!!
Chasing Maverick was everything I thought it would be. It was full of all the familiar places we know and love since it was filmed her in Santa Cruz. We had fun looking for our friend who was a surfing stunt double.
Dustin of course noticed him immediately. But there was something surprising about the story that I didn't expect. You see it was really a story about adoption. It was an adoption that took place without anyone realizing it. Jay needed a father and really a mom too. And Frosty and his wife adopted him without realizing it. The movie ends with both of them realizing this. They loved each other like family even though they weren't blood related even though no court had ever declared it. Because you see adoption is a matter of the heart not a matter of paper and courts. When they say an adopted child is born in your heart it is so true.
Today I am thankful for a wonderful date night that the LORD used to encourage us that adoption is so much more then a paper and that our only job is to love each child that comes into our home.
I am on prayer team at church and today I was asked to pray for two teenage girls who live in a group home. I asked for their prayer request and they both had the same simple request. They both said "Could you pray for a good foster home for me?" Wow! One simple request from these beautiful girls! It was the first time i was face to face with a teenager that didn't have a place to call home.
Today's challenge is simple. I am asking you to join me in prayer today and ask that the LORD would open our hearts to love these amazing children. That he would provide everything preventing families from taking them in like emotional fears to housing or time.
Today I want to acknowledge that sometimes it takes time for the LORD to prepare us to widen our tent. Lately I have heard these statements a lot. "This is something I never thought about but the LORD is opening my heart." I have had friends have dreams and other friends say "wow I just keep running into this." You see we are stubborn little humans. Often thinking about how we can't do this. How would I have the patience? How would I have the room? How could we do that, I already feel so full? Well here is what I have to say if that is what you are praying/asking....your heart has already been captured. It is just a matter of time until you surrender and realize the LORD will take care of all those minor details. Because you see to him those are minor things. Just sit and wait as he strips away the fear, the anxiety, the worry, and he slowly draws you to the child(ren) he has chosen for you. Adoption is God's plan for every family because you are adopted already! You are in his forever family and it is a blessing for you to be someones forever family as well.
John 14:18 I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.
So yesterday I was meeting with the head of recruitment from our county (Santa Cruz). We share our very fun and unique name Anastasia. I really love spending time with her and coming up with ways to get more families to love on these awesome children. While we were chatting I had a vision for these teens in foster care and i thought I would share it with you.
We were talking about how intimidating it is to think about taking in a teenager. We both agreed that when we started this process we were intimidated but once you get to know them they aren't all that bad. In fact some of them are really fun to hang out with. So onto my dream. What if we had so many homes willing to take in teens that we could literally match them according to their interests. Like if you were to take our house for example, they may place a young man that loved to surf. Or a young lady that loves to dance. For children who have been through so much and have such a hard time trusting it would mean the world to walk into a home where you could relate on some level to your foster parent(s).
Instead of teens being hard to place my dream is that we would have so many homes we could do some awesome matchmaking :)
I have been writing a lot about becoming a foster and adoptive parent and i know you can't just do that in a day. So today I am focusing on how you can help these sweet children today!
So the best idea i have heard yet is Journey bags. Take a minute to picture this, a child is removed from their home and often times have nothing. There have been stories of children showing up in a diaper with a bottle at their foster home. I can't even imagine how scared and alone these children must feel. Can you imagine if when they were picked up by the social worker she had a brand new backpack full of new clothes, maybe a couple of books, a cuddly stuffed animal, and some healthy snacks? What a difference that backpack could make!
My friend Erin did this at her church. Everyone signed up to get a backpack and fill it for children who could use it on their journey. They filled up backpacks for children of ages.
You can't tell from this picture but there is a mountain of back packs! What if today you considered getting a group of people together to create journey bags to show these children they aren't just a case file they are a loved child and they matter. No special training required for this! My challenge in creating these bags is remember to fill them with things you would give your children. New clothes show these children they matter just as much as any child. :)
I asked today what one of the greatest needs was and it is underwear for children ages 0-18. In other words everyone needs some new undies.
If you would like to organize a journey bag drive please send me an e-mail at familystone0507@gmail.com. I will give you some check lists and instructions for creating the awesome bags to love these awesome children!
My "it will hurt" post received a lot of hits and feed back, so today I thought I would expand on that. You see I have to tell you where our hearts began when we started this process. So in the beginning we said we would love to give a home to a child that lives in our city/state. We felt called to love a child from the US that needed a home. We thought we will take a "safe" child. So we searched out options with the county and with Hand in Hand, a local foundation. We met with Hand in Hand and then we went to the county orientation night. We went back and forth for awhile and decided to start the classes with the county even though we still felt a bit undecided. As classes began, the LORD began to move on our hearts. What surprised us was how much our hearts broke for the parents of these children in the system. The parents were in dire need of help and love too. We also started to come to the place of realizing that the children that had grown inside of me did not belong to us. We experienced a few things that showed us in a real way that we were not in control of how long our children would be with us. One was what happen to Dustin's college pastor. The pastor's daughter was diagnosed twice with a rare form of cancer. This is when we made the big change. We decided to tell the county we would take any child whether they would stay for a week, a month, or forever. This was a big deal for us and lots of people looked at us like we were crazy. I mean it wasn't just our hearts but the girls as well. We knew that the LORD was the one who led us here with words of truth, so we pushed forward. Just before we finished paperwork and said we were ready to take placement I attended a friends birth. Her little girl was born into the LORDs arms and I learned once again that this would not be done by my strength but by the LORDS. I realized that not one of my child's days was promised to me. What was promised was the strength to love them and the blessing that loving them would bring. Three months later we got our first call and this crazy journey began. We learned that we would love children before we even met them. We learned that we would love them more than we ever thought possible. And we learned that our children's love for them would not change when they were told these kids could go back to their parents and have to leave our family. You can do this, but not because you have the strength to do it but because the LORD will be your strength. Music is often a way the LORD speaks to me and I think this song speaks volumes about life, but also specifically the bumpy road of foster care and adoption.
"one day you will set all things right. When my world is shaking, heaven stands. When my heart is breaking, I never leave your hands."
