When Choices Bring Unexpected Consequences

The other day I posted on Instagram and Facebook about isolation when families choose to foster and/or adopt.  I had a lot of friends reach out was so sweet and kind.  I truly have not experienced the degree of isolation so many I know have but as I tasted a little bit of it again this week I was reminded of it's sting.  I know I am the one who you will typically find with a smile on my face and I will almost always say I am good when I am asked "How are you?"  The truth is most of the time I am, but sometimes I'm not. We don't let our kids know about the rejection that has happened because of our choice to fost/adopt.  It's not their load to carry.  And in all honesty it's not one Dustin and I saw coming.

We knew people would question our choice.  It's out of the box, there is risk involved, and foster care and adoption are messy.  Of course we believe that is where God shines the brightest in the middle of messes.

When we took in one child we got questions. "Are you sure?"  "Why would you want to do this?" Or when we had hard days we heard "Well this is what you chose to do."  What we didn't know was that this would get worse a year later.  When we found out our sweet one would have twin siblings entering the world and we were asked to keep them together we said yes.  Did we think it would be hard?  Of course!  Twins are a whole different ball game and having 3 kids under two was an overwhelming thought.  But in-spite of the naysayers both family and friends questioning our choice we had an army of support. While people said "why would you ever do that?!" Others sang a louder chorus of "How can we help you?" Because of the loud chorus of support I often forgot about the naysayers that had been drowned out. Sometimes though a moment comes up where the unexpected consequence rears its ugly head.  When a party invite comes for everyone but your family.  When you are so obviously avoided. When your invites are always declined by the same few people. Its in those moments where you realize the consequence of your choice is a severed relationship.

So I guess that leaves the question, knowing what I know now would I do it all over again.  The answer is YES! As I sit in the living room watching the twins happily play cars together and their big brother cuddled on the couch with his dad I know beyond a shadow of a doubt they are worth it.Their safety, their security, their ability to grow up together it's all worth it. My heart grieves the loss over our choice to love but I can't change other people.

So maybe you are a family member or a friend of someone who is fostering or has adopted and your wondering how you can help.  Let me just say it's not that hard.  Just be there. Love them. Hold their hand while they cry.  Be the loud chorus saying "How can I help?" that drowns out the naysayers sting.

Like I always say we aren't all called to adopt but every single one of us can help.