4 years ago Thanksgiving week took on a new meaning for our family. Om November 25th 2011 the phone rang and a sweet social worker asked me if we would be willing to take a newborn baby boy for a week. I said yes and agreed to meet her at the hospital a few hours later. After arriving at the hospital I quickly learned this would not be a week long engagement. Though as foster care always is it was unknown how long this sweet boy would actually stay. Needless to say our sweet Trevor changed our lives forever.
I am so thankful for my sweet boy and so thankful for an unknown journey that led me to a place of having a deeper relationship with my heavenly Father. When I was handed this sweet baby boy as I sat in a rocking chair and I looked into his eyes and promised to love him I had no idea how many other amazing people and life lessons were coming with him. He is my blue eyed curly headed boy. With tons of energy and yet almost half the day today he cuddled on my lap just because. Oh what would my life be without him...I am so thankful I will never know.
Some people might think I am being a little extreme when I say we should really try to fulfill foster youths needs with new things. Well I will do my best to explain why this could make all the difference for these young men and women.
So to start I would like you to imagine a 6 year old little girl. She has two younger siblings, they are 3 and 1. She goes to school everyday and is in the first grade. She loves playing with dolls and all things sparkly. Her clothes are tattered and they smell of smoke and must. When she gets home from school her "chores" await her. She changes diapers, gets bottles, prepares dinner, and tries to clean up the house. This is all while her parents are so loaded they have no idea what is going on and when they happen to be more aware they are usually fighting.
One night things get out of control, the neighbors call law enforcement who arrive with a social worker in tow. The social worker takes the children to the office and starts making phone calls to find a foster home. They find a home for the 1 and 3 year old but they can't take the 6 year old too. The children are separated. You see in the world of foster care 6 is old.
So fast forward a few years. The biological parents are unable to reunify with their children, the 1 and 3 year old siblings have been adopted together, but the sweet 6 year old is now 8 and has lived in 4 different homes. With every move she sinks deeper into herself. She wonders why no one loves her. Is she unlovable? She starts to try to cause the rejection in new homes. Almost like trying to rip the band aid off hoping it won't hurt so badly the next time someone gives up on her.
So there you have it an 8 year old little girl who feels as though no one will ever love and that all she is worth is second best. At this point she will likely continue to bounce from home to home. Growing up in foster care never feeling like she has a place to call home.
What would it mean to this sweet girl if someone came into her life and handed her something new. A pair of pants she looked at but felt she wasn't worth. Those beautiful boots. Or that trendy jacket. What if we treated her as we did our own children instead of cleaning out our closets of unwanted out of date clothing we got her something new. Something she desired.
That right there is why I believe it is so important to buy foster youth new things. Things they desire no matter how silly we may think it seems. Many of these children have never been given something new their whole life. So when you hear a 16 year old girl in foster care is asking for Doc Martins don't brush it off and say she should be happy with whatever she gets. Think about the sweet girl who has been rejected so many times that she feels unlovable.
If you think I am being extreme please ask me and I will share personal stories where I know that the simple act of something new made a difference for a child.
On Friday November 22nd we adopted our twins. A boy and a girl named Luke and Ava.
This year we completed two adoptions! Life is wild when you truly say yes to wherever the LORD leads. Many people tell us we are blessing these sweet children, but I am here to tell you it is the other way around. Trevor, Luke, and Ava have brought more joy into our lives then I could have ever dreamed of! We have gained Aunties and Uncles. Cousins and Grandparents. Our heart is full with the love that surrounds us. What has happened through our adoptions is not of this world.
Adoption is love. Just as we are adopted as sons and daughters of God because of his great love for us. To quote a friend adoption takes something broken and makes it whole.
So here we are all 7 Stone's
Isaiah 61:3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion-
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of Joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.
Praise our LORD for he trades beauty for ashes! May all 5 of our children follow him all the days of their lives and may they bring him glory in all they do.
For the last almost 3 years our family has walked through a lot of loss and unexpected hard things with friends. We have always had a heart for adoption but the LORD used this losses to change our idea of what that would look like. Yesterday I was reminded again why we said we would take a child even if they didn't stay forever. And that is because our children our not our own they are the LORDS we are just entrusted with their care for a time.
So here is a little window into our past 3 years or so. My husbands college pastor's 5 year old daughter was diagnosed with a rare form a cancer that wound up taking her life earlier this year. A dear friend was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer and passed away a few months later. I was with another friend while she labored and her daughter was born into the arms of Jesus. Then this year a dear friend was diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia and she almost passed away more then once. A friend had a referral for and international adoption and before they were able to bring him home he went to be with the LORD. And then most recently a friends child was given a diagnosis that was devastating about half way through her pregnancy. He was born on Monday and they had wonderful hour with him before he went to be with the LORD.
Wow I look back at that and think how did all of that happen in such a short amount of time. I guess you might say "aren't you angry with God?" I'm not mad, I do sometimes ask why, and then I remember this is a fallen world full of sickness and disease. If the LORD answered me why I probably wouldn't understand. I just need to trust him and lean on him. I try to remember the verse "Jesus wept." Jesus knew he would raise Lazarus from the dead yet he wept.
All of this loss has reminded my heart that my children belong to LORD that my husband belongs to the LORD. My everything is the LORDS. I need to savor each moment as if it were my last. And in the midst of the tears to remember "Death has died and Love has won!"
I am thankful that one day there will be no more tears. I am thankful that the LORD overcame death. I am thankful that he grew babies in my tummy. I am thankful that he placed babies in my home through adoption. I am thankful he didn't tell me what that journey would have looked like or I might not have stepped out. He has called us to put one foot in front of the other. To treat every day as a gift. And to not be afraid of death.
So today I will love my babies. I will have parenthood parties on the oncology unit with my sweet friend. I will care about the important things and not worry about the things that don't matter. I will let go of religious rules and just love. I won't try to be super-mom. I will be vulnerable and real. Today I will rebuke fear and step out in faith saying yes to wherever the LORD may lead.
I want to add that it is so often true that Joy and sorrow flow mingled down. almost exactly two years ago our we received our first foster placement a baby boy. We adopted him on July 26th of this year. and in March his biological twin siblings were placed with us. We will adopt them this month. Friends had babies and many parties and celebrations were had as well. God is good! All the time God is good!
Below is a song that spoke to my heart yesterday in the middle of my grief.
What in the world does me getting a new sister have anything to do with adoption?! Well I will tell you. When we started out on this crazy adventure to adoption we knew our family would grow at some point. That if we started fostering one of these sweeties would stick around forever. What we didn't know was all the other family we would gain.
Little Trevor brought a very special Big Sister into my life. My sister Shellyne. For the longest time we would answer with long winded answers about who she was to me or who I was to her. But I have given up on long answers and decided she is just my sister. You see just like adoption there was no denying it we were bonded to each other quickly and it was clear that it was a forever bond.
The blessings of adoption span so far beyond what we could hope or dream. I am thankful that all my children have gained more cousins, Aunts, Uncles, and even an extra Grandma.
James 1:27 "Religion God our Father finds pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."
Our Father in heaven does not want us to sing the right songs, wear the right clothes, be friends with the right people, have our children be perfectly behaved, or a long list of other to-dos. He wants us to love the least of these (Matthew 25:40). We get so consumed with looking "good" or "right" that we forget the heart of our father. I think Francis Chan said it best when he said "Adoption is the gospel message". Our Father in heaven did not create orphans when he created the world. They are a result of the entrance of sin. But there is good news there is redemption and God our Father loves to make beauty from ashes (Isaiah 61:1-3). I know not everyone is called to adoption but I do believe more are called then those who actually respond. During this month I will lay out ways to help that include adoption and then alternatives if you are unable to do so. I have one simple challenge on this Orphan Sunday. Pray a very simple prayer.
"LORD how are you calling me to help orphans in my community and abroad. Please release me from any fear that has kept me from answering your call on my life."
It's a scary prayer I know. One day we prayed that prayer and we went from wanting to adopt to saying we would foster and didn't need a "safe" case. It's a wild adventure caring for orphans no matter how the LORD is calling you to help. But it is an awesome adventure. The LORD is passionate about the fatherless so when we partner with him we become closer to him and that is the best part!
This is the day we brought home our sweet Trevor...he was supposed to stay for about a week. We adopted him 7/26/2013 :)
Last year I tried to blog everyday in November about orphans and adoption. So lets do this again. Today will be simple since it is already 9:30 and I am exhausted! I know I only have 5 kids I shouldn't be exhausted.
So lets just start with me being thankful that we finalized our sweet sons adoption on July 26th of this year!!! Here are some photos of the wonderful day!
20 months to the day we brought our sweet Trevor home from the hospital we finalized his adoption. On Friday July 26th we promised to love Trevor as our own. In some ways it seemed so silly since we already loved him as our own since the day we met him. But in other ways it was so powerful to promise in front of family and friends to love him forever and sign papers that made him legal our son.
It was another picture of God's redemptive plan for his people through Jesus. We are adopted into Gods family and loved us as his own. But then there is this huge powerful moment where the depth and the power of what that means is revealed through the holy spirit. It is a moment that changes you forever and that is what our day before the judge was, a day that changed us forever.
Ephesians 1:5 "God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure."
I discovered a new non-profit today that works with foster children and foster parents. Their goal is not to just recruit more loving homes for these children who need a family but to support the families who want to love them. As well as impacting the lives of the foster children in the system. They have some creative ideas that I would love to see happen in Santa Cruz.
My favorite thing they do is called Tuesday night suppers. They go into the group homes cook with the kids in the group home, eat with them, and then play board games with them.
There are so many ways we can help these children!
How will you step outside your comfort zone and love these kiddos?
So Today is November 30th the last day of national adoption month. I have blogged almost everyday and today will be my final blog in the series on Adoption. Today I want to deal with the call to foster care and adoption (international, domestic, and any other way it can happen). This is a ministry I feel many are called to, yet few answer the call.
Often times we think or say "It is a broken system full of corruption, how can I make a difference?" Well you can be the one that isn't corrupt. If it is international adoption you can make sure that your child isn't a trafficked child. You can do this by making sure your agency is upstanding and does due diligence some people even hire their own personal private investigator. If you are going to adopt domestically through the foster care system you can be that safe family. You can be the one that stands up for what is right. The LORD never promised that when he called us into ministry it would be safe. In fact it is just the opposite. We are living a life devoted to the LORD. It isn't comfortable or safe when you love with your whole heart, but it is full of purpose and blessings. In Roman times unwanted children were left to die in fields and on the side of roads, Christians adopted these children and at the risk of death. I think that the risks we are taking are far smaller then some of our ancestors.
In response to fear we should turn to God's word for answers.
Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for i am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand.
Isaiah 41:13 For I am the LORD your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you Do Not Fear; I will help you.
Isaiah 43:1-2 But now, this is what the LORD says he who created you, O Jacob, he formed you, O Israel: "Fear not for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters , I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers they will not sweep over you. when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.
Do you believe these promises? If you do then the call should not bring up fear, but anticipation for what the LORD will do through you.
International or domestic you are dealing with a broken system because this is a broken world. Don't run the other way because the system is broken. The children in the system need you. They need love, they need hope, they need healing. Brokenness should draw you in because the answer to brokenness lives in you and through you.
I could put all the verses that talk about defending the fatherless and taking care of the orphan but you already know that list is endless. So I will just put one verse up that I think sums it all up.
James 1:27a Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress...
I was at an adoption prayer group the other day and two ladies shared what their husbands said about adopting "Our lives are too easy, our lives are not meant to be easy." I thought this was such a neat way to look at life. Why are we always looking to make our lives easier? The LORD did not call us to an easy life. He did not call us to a life free from hurts. What He did promise was to redeem and bring beauty from ashes. He also promised to be with us as we walked through trials.
The orphan issue can be overwhelming when we look at the numbers, so don't look at the numbers anymore just resolve to make a difference in just one orphans life. I challenge you to just take in one orphan if you are feeling called. Maybe it will be through foster care, or maybe you will travel to Ethiopia or Russia. It may be a baby or a teenager. Maybe you know a teenager who may not be up for "adoption" in the legal sense but you know they are lacking a family. There are so many ways this can look.
I hope this song will encourage you to not let fear overcome. You can adopt not because you have the ability or the time but because the LORD will equip you. "The God of angel armies is always by your side."
John 14:18 I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.
Today is little man's b-day. We were ready to celebrate. We had a party planned and lots of people were coming. It was joyous to wake up with our Big 1 year old. But there was one thing I didn't expect as the day went on. I began to feel sad. I felt sad that I knew his parents probably wouldn't call or write or send a card. I tried not to get choked up but I really was sad. Even now at 8pm even with little man fast asleep I wish they would call.
I wish they knew we prayed for them every night. That what we really wish is that they would become healthy and that little man could know them. I wish they knew that we loved them too.
My feelings of sadness are mixed with so much gratefulness for the fact that so much of his bio family is in his life. That we have pictures from the day he was born. That his Aunt and I are so close and that we have all become like family. Little man will definitely always know he is loved and by ALOT of people. You should have seen the group picture. Well soon soon I will be able to post it. And it only shows a small portion of all the love he has in his life
Today I am Thankful for so month but after Thanksgiving 2011 Thanksgiving will be extra special. It will be the day our family grew. It didn't just grow by one little man though it grew another 2 aunts another grandma another grandpa, uncles, and lots of cousins. The best part is we ate Thanksgiving dinner having no idea, but talking with friends about our dreams of what life would be like when our family grew. You see you always think it will be one way but the LORD always blesses you in ways you never expect. Today I am thankful for family and the fact that family is so much more then blood. Family is love. So open your heart and let some love in :)
Thanksgiving this year marks the anniversary for a few things for us. On the Tuesday before Thanksgiving 2011 we received our first placement call from the county. The placement never came to our home but it taught us a lot. The phone call came at 11am it was basically a get ready and wait for another call. The day moved on and I checked my phone constantly waiting and waiting. Around 5 the phone rang and we were told you are on call for the whole Thanksgiving weekend. I don't know who will call you or when. So there we were wondering where a child we didn't know was. Wondering how they were if they were safe, if they were warm, if they were hungry. Oh man, I didn't know I could worry about a little one I didn't know that much. It prepared us for the unpredictable life we were entering. Where up means down and left means right. Not on purpose, it's just the name of the game. As I reflect I see how much these few days before little man grew us. We went to Thanksgiving and everyone knew we may run out the door to pick up a little one. We all talked and we explained why we wanted to walk this crazy journey. It reaffirmed everything and little did we know less then 24 hours later we would get a call that would change the rest of our lives.
One year ago the rubber hit the road and we haven't stopped since :)
This post is on a not so fun subject but a very necessary subject. It's the issue of pain and grieving in adoption. Adoption is beautiful yes but is also full of pain and grief. I know we hear those words and think run, run far away! But you don't want to run far away; the beauty of adoption is that it is a redemptive story. So we need to walk through the pain and grief so that the LORD can bring beauty from ashes.
Grief for an older child is probably pretty obvious right? They lost the only family they ever knew. It may have been broken and abusive. Many of their basic needs may not have been met. But they lost their mother and their father. One thing I think many people don't realize or think about is that a little newborn goes through the same loss.
Our little one grew in his mothers belly, he listened to her voice and heart everyday, and he heard his fathers voice everyday. She birthed him. From inside her belly he went onto her chest. And then within 24 hours she was gone. I know it isn't a conscious loss but even just typing that out as his mother my heart aches for him. This hurt is a part of the beauty of his story but none the less it is a part of his story. When he gets older I know the questions will come "mommy why didn't I grow in your belly?" Mommy "why couldn't I stay with my first mommy?" And who knows what else. We could sluff it off with "you grew in our heart and you are right where God planned for you to be." While these things are true, they would deny the true heart wrenching loss he experienced.
The other thing about this is that I as his mother experienced some huge losses in this. He didn't grow in my belly; I lost those 9 months of bonding and love together and he never nursed at my breast. And when I first met him my voice was strange to him; he didn't know me and i didn't know him. It was love at first sight don't get me wrong. But I still missed out on part of his life.
So this leaves us with two choices pretend none of this happened and cover it up with pretty words and clever sayings. Or we can face the pain and the grief head on acknowledging it, crying over it, and handing it over to the LORD, so he can make beauty from ashes.
I often hear people say "well if I couldn't get pregnant then I would adopt." There is one huge problem with this statement, adoption isn't about a childless family getting a child. It is about a child with out a family getting a family. When we refocus our attention to the fact that orphans are children without home, without a mother, without a father. Then we realize how heartbreaking this situation really is.
Close your eyes and picture that child without a place to call home, a bed to call their own, someone to call mom. There are many more orphans then there are childless families. These children are not only blessings to families without children they are blessings to families with children. The reason they are blessings though is because you can see the heart of the LORD. The LORD loves this children, he loves his children. We are all adopted into his family as well and that is why adoption is beautiful because it is a reflection God's love for all of us.
A little window into what it looks and feels like when you get a call. When we said we would take calls we got our first call a few weeks later. The first call was for a 2 year old and then that fell through in a sense. The second phone call came a few days later and that was for little man. It is a whirlwind when you get the phone calls and we have had time to prepare. It's this crazy thing where often you don't even have a name just a gender and an age and you already care so much. You want them to be safe and feel safe. You want them to be fed, and warm, and you can't wait to hold them in your arms.
So if your wondering if you will be able to love enough or if your love will come right away. Well I didn't realize that it would come with a phone call stating the gender and age so I think you will be fine :)
Last night Dustin and I were able to go on a much needed date night. It's been a while since we went on a date and even longer since we have gone to the movies. Since I married a surfer and we live in Santa Cruz seeing Chasing Mavericks in the theaters was a must. Surfing on the big screen...even I say YES!!!
Chasing Maverick was everything I thought it would be. It was full of all the familiar places we know and love since it was filmed her in Santa Cruz. We had fun looking for our friend who was a surfing stunt double.
Dustin of course noticed him immediately. But there was something surprising about the story that I didn't expect. You see it was really a story about adoption. It was an adoption that took place without anyone realizing it. Jay needed a father and really a mom too. And Frosty and his wife adopted him without realizing it. The movie ends with both of them realizing this. They loved each other like family even though they weren't blood related even though no court had ever declared it. Because you see adoption is a matter of the heart not a matter of paper and courts. When they say an adopted child is born in your heart it is so true.
Today I am thankful for a wonderful date night that the LORD used to encourage us that adoption is so much more then a paper and that our only job is to love each child that comes into our home.
I am on prayer team at church and today I was asked to pray for two teenage girls who live in a group home. I asked for their prayer request and they both had the same simple request. They both said "Could you pray for a good foster home for me?" Wow! One simple request from these beautiful girls! It was the first time i was face to face with a teenager that didn't have a place to call home.
Today's challenge is simple. I am asking you to join me in prayer today and ask that the LORD would open our hearts to love these amazing children. That he would provide everything preventing families from taking them in like emotional fears to housing or time.
