In remembrance of my sweet friend Lisa

Today we celebrated the life of our sweet friend Lisa Showalter.  So many sweet words and memories were shared about her.  She was and is greatly loved.  Below is what I shared at her service today.

First I want to say that I am honored to be standing here today sharing about Lisa.  Lisa’s parent asked me to share about our tradition of watching call the midwife.  I know you are all surprised she would love this show.  Our call the midwife nights consisted of chocolate, giggles, my twins, and birth talk.  Sometimes there were tears and hugs about hard things to. This had become our weekly get together, we always knew in the busyness of life we could count on call the midwife night to be together.  One of the sweet and funny stories that stood out from those nights was the night that Lisa tried to convince Rebecca, Melinda, and I that she had a big butt.  I’m not even sure how it came up, I just remember her strutting across the living room saying “see! Don’t you see how big it is.” 

As I reflect on my bond with Lisa on who she was and is in my life I have acknowledge that our relationship was so much more then these nights.  We have an eternal bond.  Lisa and I are sisters in Christ.  I didn’t say goodbye to her the night before she passed.  I said I love you I will see you later.

One of Lisa’s gifts is being a wonderful encourager.  On March 25^th of this year Lisa wrote me a note that said “You are a great mom Anastasia.  I hope you see that.  And a great friend.  I hope you see that too.”

Lisa truly held the gift of encouragement and she always made me smile.  As I think of what would Lisa want all of you to know…I think it would be something like this.  I am not dead!  My body is gone but my spirit live on.  I am with my LORD and Savior.  It is beautiful here.  He held me through all of this, he loved me through all of this.  I am healed and I am whole.  Please don’t miss you everyday blessings and his still small voice whispering I love you.

This is the last picture I have with Lisa and Ava.

Romans 8:38-39

Orphan Sunday: James 1:27

James 1:27 "Religion God our Father finds pure and faultless is this:  to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

Our Father in heaven does not want us to sing the right songs, wear the right clothes, be friends with the right people, have our children be perfectly behaved, or a long list of other to-dos.  He wants us to love the least of these (Matthew 25:40).  We get so consumed with looking "good" or "right" that we forget the heart of our father. I think Francis Chan said it best when he said "Adoption is the gospel message".  Our Father in heaven did not create orphans when he created the world.  They are a result of the entrance of sin.  But there is good news there is redemption and God our Father loves to make beauty from ashes (Isaiah 61:1-3).   I know not everyone is called to adoption but I do believe more are called then those who actually respond.  During this month I will lay out ways to help that include adoption and then alternatives if you are unable to do so.  I have one simple challenge on this Orphan Sunday.  Pray a very simple prayer.

"LORD how are you calling me to help orphans in my community and abroad.  Please release me from any fear that has kept me from answering your call on my life."

It's a scary prayer I know.  One day we prayed that prayer and we went from wanting to adopt to saying we would foster and didn't need  a "safe" case.  It's a wild adventure caring for orphans no matter how the LORD is calling you to help.  But it is an awesome adventure.  The LORD is passionate about the fatherless so when we partner with him we become closer to him and that is the best part!

This is the day we brought home our sweet Trevor...he was supposed to stay for about a week.  We adopted him 7/26/2013 :)

Maybe I should stop doing dishes

So it was quiet in the house and I decided to power out some dishes.  I went into the kitchen set up some music and got started.  A few songs in and my eyes welled up with tears.  I couldn't help but think of the grief and pain involved with adoption.  My heart was breaking for my little ones birth mom and the loss that they have all experienced.  Even when we have eternal hope life is hard and our hearts hurt for this broken world.

You broke my chains of sin and shame and you covered me with your grace.

You mend my life with your holy fire

You cover me with grace

You are the hand that reaches out to save

I am set free oh oh oh oh

It is for freedom that I am set free

I am set free-All sons and Daughters

May we all experience freedom in the midst of this broken world.

Galatians 5:1 It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

Pain and Grief

   This post is on a not so fun subject but a very necessary subject.  It's the issue of pain and grieving in adoption.  Adoption is beautiful yes but is also full of pain and grief. I know we hear those words and think run, run far away!  But you don't want to run far away; the beauty of adoption is that it is a redemptive story. So we need to walk through the pain and grief so that the LORD can bring beauty from ashes.

    Grief for an older child is probably pretty obvious right?  They lost the only family they ever knew.  It may have been broken and abusive.  Many of their basic needs may not have been met.  But they lost their mother and their father.  One thing I think many people don't realize or think about is that a little newborn goes through the same loss.

     Our little one grew in his mothers belly, he listened to her voice and heart everyday, and he heard his fathers voice everyday.  She birthed him.  From inside her belly he went onto her chest.  And then within 24 hours she was gone.  I know it isn't a conscious loss but even just typing that out as his mother my heart aches for him.  This hurt is a part of the beauty of his story but none the less it is a part of his story.  When he gets older I know the questions will come "mommy why didn't I grow in your belly?"  Mommy "why couldn't I stay with my first mommy?"  And who knows what else.  We could sluff it off with "you grew in our heart and you are right where God planned for you to be."  While these things are true, they would deny the true heart wrenching loss he experienced.

   The other thing about this is that I as his mother experienced some huge losses in this.  He didn't grow in my belly; I lost those 9 months of bonding and love together and he never nursed at my breast.  And when I first met him my voice was strange to him; he didn't know me and i didn't know him.  It was love at first sight don't get me wrong.  But I still missed out on part of his life.

   So this leaves us with two choices pretend none of this happened and cover it up with pretty words and clever sayings.  Or we can face the pain and the grief head on acknowledging it, crying over it, and handing it over to the LORD, so he can make beauty from ashes.