It's that time of year when I try to pick up my blog and try to blog everyday. I might be successful and I might not be but I will do my best. This year I am going to try to tackle some new ideas this year. If you have a subject surrounding foster care and adoption you would like me to tackle let me know and I will do my best. I will even try to rope the hubby into writing a post this month.
So I will leave this post plain and simple I challenge everyone to pray this month. Pray everyday for orphans. For children who find themselves in foster care. For parents who have had their children removed from their home. For Judges. For Social workers. For foster parents. For adoptive parents. For everyone else involved with children in the varying forms of care. And as we should always do ask the LORD what he is calling you to do.
Today we celebrated the life of our sweet friend Lisa Showalter. So many sweet words and memories were shared about her. She was and is greatly loved. Below is what I shared at her service today.
First I want
to say that I am honored to be standing here today sharing about Lisa. Lisa’s parent asked me to share about our
tradition of watching call the midwife.
I know you are all surprised she would love this show. Our call the midwife nights consisted of
chocolate, giggles, my twins, and birth talk.
Sometimes there were tears and hugs about hard things to. This had
become our weekly get together, we always knew in the busyness of life we could
count on call the midwife night to be together.
One of the sweet and funny stories that stood out from those nights was
the night that Lisa tried to convince Rebecca, Melinda, and I that she had a
big butt. I’m not even sure how it came
up, I just remember her strutting across the living room saying “see! Don’t you
see how big it is.”
As I reflect
on my bond with Lisa on who she was and is in my life I have acknowledge that
our relationship was so much more then these nights. We have an eternal bond. Lisa and I are sisters in Christ. I didn’t say goodbye to her the night before
she passed. I said I love you I will see
you later.
One of Lisa’s
gifts is being a wonderful encourager.
On March 25th of this year Lisa wrote me a note that said “You
are a great mom Anastasia. I hope you
see that. And a great friend. I hope you see that too.”
Lisa truly
held the gift of encouragement and she always made me smile. As I think of what would Lisa want all of you
to know…I think it would be something like this. I am not dead! My body is gone but my spirit live on. I am with my LORD and Savior. It is beautiful here. He held me through all of this, he loved me
through all of this. I am healed and I am
whole. Please don’t miss you everyday
blessings and his still small voice whispering I love you.
This is the last picture I have with Lisa and Ava.
For the last almost 3 years our family has walked through a lot of loss and unexpected hard things with friends. We have always had a heart for adoption but the LORD used this losses to change our idea of what that would look like. Yesterday I was reminded again why we said we would take a child even if they didn't stay forever. And that is because our children our not our own they are the LORDS we are just entrusted with their care for a time.
So here is a little window into our past 3 years or so. My husbands college pastor's 5 year old daughter was diagnosed with a rare form a cancer that wound up taking her life earlier this year. A dear friend was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer and passed away a few months later. I was with another friend while she labored and her daughter was born into the arms of Jesus. Then this year a dear friend was diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia and she almost passed away more then once. A friend had a referral for and international adoption and before they were able to bring him home he went to be with the LORD. And then most recently a friends child was given a diagnosis that was devastating about half way through her pregnancy. He was born on Monday and they had wonderful hour with him before he went to be with the LORD.
Wow I look back at that and think how did all of that happen in such a short amount of time. I guess you might say "aren't you angry with God?" I'm not mad, I do sometimes ask why, and then I remember this is a fallen world full of sickness and disease. If the LORD answered me why I probably wouldn't understand. I just need to trust him and lean on him. I try to remember the verse "Jesus wept." Jesus knew he would raise Lazarus from the dead yet he wept.
All of this loss has reminded my heart that my children belong to LORD that my husband belongs to the LORD. My everything is the LORDS. I need to savor each moment as if it were my last. And in the midst of the tears to remember "Death has died and Love has won!"
I am thankful that one day there will be no more tears. I am thankful that the LORD overcame death. I am thankful that he grew babies in my tummy. I am thankful that he placed babies in my home through adoption. I am thankful he didn't tell me what that journey would have looked like or I might not have stepped out. He has called us to put one foot in front of the other. To treat every day as a gift. And to not be afraid of death.
So today I will love my babies. I will have parenthood parties on the oncology unit with my sweet friend. I will care about the important things and not worry about the things that don't matter. I will let go of religious rules and just love. I won't try to be super-mom. I will be vulnerable and real. Today I will rebuke fear and step out in faith saying yes to wherever the LORD may lead.
I want to add that it is so often true that Joy and sorrow flow mingled down. almost exactly two years ago our we received our first foster placement a baby boy. We adopted him on July 26th of this year. and in March his biological twin siblings were placed with us. We will adopt them this month. Friends had babies and many parties and celebrations were had as well. God is good! All the time God is good!
Below is a song that spoke to my heart yesterday in the middle of my grief.
Last year I tried to blog everyday in November about orphans and adoption. So lets do this again. Today will be simple since it is already 9:30 and I am exhausted! I know I only have 5 kids I shouldn't be exhausted.
So lets just start with me being thankful that we finalized our sweet sons adoption on July 26th of this year!!! Here are some photos of the wonderful day!
We all know those people who only hang out with people just like them. Everyone believes the same things, thinks the same things, and does the same things. And above all else only with each other. Long time friends are set aside unless they want to talk about what you believe, and not to criticize or question it. Because well...hmmm I guess that's not being real now is it. Well that's the kind of bubble that turns you into a pharisee. You feast with the insiders while the "outsiders" aren't welcome unless they want to tell you that you are right or they think they can convince you they are right. And you can't bother with telling others about the Hope that you have found in Jesus because you only want to hang out with those who have it. Oh wait I don't think that's what you the Great commission said.
You see the Pharisees were in a bubble too. If you were Jewish, if your were circumcised, and if you followed all the rules they set out then you were in. You see we can do this so easily too. We get so caught up in the rules we forget to see Jesus. We are so afraid of being tainted by the world we pull ourselves out of it. We want to be safe. The problem is Jesus isn't safe and he didn't call us to be safe. So why are we trying to be safe. Well if you are safe Satan wins! Yep I said it if you are safe Satan wins, because he does. You see the Gospel isn't rules or perfect looking families with children who obey always. The Gospel is action. Jesus usually started with an act of love and then followed with words. And he didn't only love those in his circle he loved everyone the "unclean", the outcast, those who had no hope. Often times we think our bubbles are just keeping us from being of the world but it actually keeps us from the world. The same world he called us to love.
When I think about being "safe" as a christian I think about myself, how I used to be that believer stuck in a bubble. I'm still trying to make sure that I don't find myself there again. This false idea of safe brings to my mind the words in this song:
You have called me Higher-All Sons and daughters
I could Just sit
I could Just sit and wait for all your goodness
Hope to feel your prescence
I could just stay
I could just stay right where I am and hope to feel you
Hope to feel something again
And I could hold on
I could hold on to who I am and never let you change me from the inside
And I could be safe
I could be safe here in your arms and never leave home
Never let these walls down.
But you have called me higher
You have called me deeper
And I will go where you will lead me LORD
Be brave. Be radical. Love Jesus. Love all people. Teach your children to love like Jesus did. If it means you don't cook dinner one night a week so you can go help others that is okay. It's okay because it teaches your children; it teaches them by example. So go into the world and let the LORD grow you and change you. Because in the end when we bless others we always end up being the one who is blessed more.
So recently I saw this video of Francis Chan talking about how we often treat the teachings of Jesus. He talks about how we memorize what Jesus says and we talk about it in bible studies but we don't do it.
I have been sitting on what Francis Chan said for about a week now. I can't shake it. Jesus was very clear in his teaching what we do for the least of these we do for him. What we "DO" with our actions, not what we do in our heart, or the verse we memorize that says to help the widows. Why is it when it comes to our father in heaven we think its enough to say well I memorized that verse about caring for the orphans and we talked about in bible study. Oh and one time I donated some money to a non-profit.
I mean really it sounds so ridiculous. But yet it so what we do as humans. We like to be comfortable and doing what Jesus says means putting your heart on the line. It means being emotionally involved with broken people. Not an easy thing to do.
I think this quote sums it all up.
"The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the door and deny him with their lifestyle" -Brennan Manning
Are you being Jesus to the world today? Are you feeding the poor? Are you caring for the widows? Are you loving the orphans? Or are you living in your safe Christian bubble, only spending time with your friends who believe what you believe? Are you living a life with little risk?
Be radical because Jesus was radical, live with all you have. One of the greatest gifts you can give your children is showing them how to step outside your comfort zone and love those the world says are unlovable. Because that is what our LORD did for us. He loved us when we were unlovable. He loved us while we rejected him. So when that person rejects you love them more. Love them harder. Not with your words, not in your heart, but with your hands and feet.
So it was quiet in the house and I decided to power out some dishes. I went into the kitchen set up some music and got started. A few songs in and my eyes welled up with tears. I couldn't help but think of the grief and pain involved with adoption. My heart was breaking for my little ones birth mom and the loss that they have all experienced. Even when we have eternal hope life is hard and our hearts hurt for this broken world.
You broke my chains of sin and shame and you covered me with your grace.
You mend my life with your holy fire
You cover me with grace
You are the hand that reaches out to save
I am set free oh oh oh oh
It is for freedom that I am set free
I am set free-All sons and Daughters
May we all experience freedom in the midst of this broken world.
Galatians 5:1 It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
Sometime ago I listened to a sermon that Britt Merrick preached and in it he said it's not safe to follow Jesus. He spoke about when a family friend was going on a mission trip and her started to write "be safe". He said he stopped himself when he realized Jesus never called us to be safe in fact he called us to do quite the opposite.
As we have been walking this path of adoption Dustin and I have quickly realized that when we live a life that isn't safe it is full of lots of hurt but also lots of blessings. As you have read in the past we started off the Journey looking for a "safe" adoption plan. A child that was on the road to adoption with a low risk of going back. As the LORD worked on our hearts we found ourselves saying it doesn't matter how long they will stay we will love them anyway. We will love them with all we have and hold nothing back.
The LORD had used Britt and Kate Merrick to show us our children were a gift. And that everyday we have with them is a gift. A couple of weeks ago Britt and Kate's daughter Daisy (age 8) went to be with the LORD. She has changed many lives across the world. The LORD used her suffering through 4 cancer diagnosis for his glory. We loved harder and more willingly as we watched this story unfold. When I watched the memorial last Saturday it was full of laughter and tears. They web cast it and I along with almost 4,000 others watched from home as they filled up the auditorium they had used in Santa Barbara.
Adoption is risky. Following Jesus is risky. But oh it's so worth it. Because when you get that child in your arms you will know that God choose you to be their parent. It maybe for a week or a month or maybe 65 years. But he choose you to love them. So don't be afraid if they may leave tomorrow or next week, just love them anyway.
When you encounter the birth parents love them with all you have. They need your love too. When you are dealing with social workers and Judges love them with all you have. In the end love wins. We need to not be afraid we just need to love everyone like Jesus. You will never say I loved them too much.
To read more of Daisy's story you can visit Pray For Daisy
There is a blog and multiple videos including her memorial service.
Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and courageous. do not be afraid or terrified of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you or forsake you.
So Today is November 30th the last day of national adoption month. I have blogged almost everyday and today will be my final blog in the series on Adoption. Today I want to deal with the call to foster care and adoption (international, domestic, and any other way it can happen). This is a ministry I feel many are called to, yet few answer the call.
Often times we think or say "It is a broken system full of corruption, how can I make a difference?" Well you can be the one that isn't corrupt. If it is international adoption you can make sure that your child isn't a trafficked child. You can do this by making sure your agency is upstanding and does due diligence some people even hire their own personal private investigator. If you are going to adopt domestically through the foster care system you can be that safe family. You can be the one that stands up for what is right. The LORD never promised that when he called us into ministry it would be safe. In fact it is just the opposite. We are living a life devoted to the LORD. It isn't comfortable or safe when you love with your whole heart, but it is full of purpose and blessings. In Roman times unwanted children were left to die in fields and on the side of roads, Christians adopted these children and at the risk of death. I think that the risks we are taking are far smaller then some of our ancestors.
In response to fear we should turn to God's word for answers.
Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for i am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand.
Isaiah 41:13 For I am the LORD your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you Do Not Fear; I will help you.
Isaiah 43:1-2 But now, this is what the LORD says he who created you, O Jacob, he formed you, O Israel: "Fear not for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters , I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers they will not sweep over you. when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.
Do you believe these promises? If you do then the call should not bring up fear, but anticipation for what the LORD will do through you.
International or domestic you are dealing with a broken system because this is a broken world. Don't run the other way because the system is broken. The children in the system need you. They need love, they need hope, they need healing. Brokenness should draw you in because the answer to brokenness lives in you and through you.
I could put all the verses that talk about defending the fatherless and taking care of the orphan but you already know that list is endless. So I will just put one verse up that I think sums it all up.
James 1:27a Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress...
I was at an adoption prayer group the other day and two ladies shared what their husbands said about adopting "Our lives are too easy, our lives are not meant to be easy." I thought this was such a neat way to look at life. Why are we always looking to make our lives easier? The LORD did not call us to an easy life. He did not call us to a life free from hurts. What He did promise was to redeem and bring beauty from ashes. He also promised to be with us as we walked through trials.
The orphan issue can be overwhelming when we look at the numbers, so don't look at the numbers anymore just resolve to make a difference in just one orphans life. I challenge you to just take in one orphan if you are feeling called. Maybe it will be through foster care, or maybe you will travel to Ethiopia or Russia. It may be a baby or a teenager. Maybe you know a teenager who may not be up for "adoption" in the legal sense but you know they are lacking a family. There are so many ways this can look.
I hope this song will encourage you to not let fear overcome. You can adopt not because you have the ability or the time but because the LORD will equip you. "The God of angel armies is always by your side."
John 14:18 I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.
Today is little man's b-day. We were ready to celebrate. We had a party planned and lots of people were coming. It was joyous to wake up with our Big 1 year old. But there was one thing I didn't expect as the day went on. I began to feel sad. I felt sad that I knew his parents probably wouldn't call or write or send a card. I tried not to get choked up but I really was sad. Even now at 8pm even with little man fast asleep I wish they would call.
I wish they knew we prayed for them every night. That what we really wish is that they would become healthy and that little man could know them. I wish they knew that we loved them too.
My feelings of sadness are mixed with so much gratefulness for the fact that so much of his bio family is in his life. That we have pictures from the day he was born. That his Aunt and I are so close and that we have all become like family. Little man will definitely always know he is loved and by ALOT of people. You should have seen the group picture. Well soon soon I will be able to post it. And it only shows a small portion of all the love he has in his life
This post is on a not so fun subject but a very necessary subject. It's the issue of pain and grieving in adoption. Adoption is beautiful yes but is also full of pain and grief. I know we hear those words and think run, run far away! But you don't want to run far away; the beauty of adoption is that it is a redemptive story. So we need to walk through the pain and grief so that the LORD can bring beauty from ashes.
Grief for an older child is probably pretty obvious right? They lost the only family they ever knew. It may have been broken and abusive. Many of their basic needs may not have been met. But they lost their mother and their father. One thing I think many people don't realize or think about is that a little newborn goes through the same loss.
Our little one grew in his mothers belly, he listened to her voice and heart everyday, and he heard his fathers voice everyday. She birthed him. From inside her belly he went onto her chest. And then within 24 hours she was gone. I know it isn't a conscious loss but even just typing that out as his mother my heart aches for him. This hurt is a part of the beauty of his story but none the less it is a part of his story. When he gets older I know the questions will come "mommy why didn't I grow in your belly?" Mommy "why couldn't I stay with my first mommy?" And who knows what else. We could sluff it off with "you grew in our heart and you are right where God planned for you to be." While these things are true, they would deny the true heart wrenching loss he experienced.
The other thing about this is that I as his mother experienced some huge losses in this. He didn't grow in my belly; I lost those 9 months of bonding and love together and he never nursed at my breast. And when I first met him my voice was strange to him; he didn't know me and i didn't know him. It was love at first sight don't get me wrong. But I still missed out on part of his life.
So this leaves us with two choices pretend none of this happened and cover it up with pretty words and clever sayings. Or we can face the pain and the grief head on acknowledging it, crying over it, and handing it over to the LORD, so he can make beauty from ashes.
