James 1:27 "Religion God our Father finds pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."
Our Father in heaven does not want us to sing the right songs, wear the right clothes, be friends with the right people, have our children be perfectly behaved, or a long list of other to-dos. He wants us to love the least of these (Matthew 25:40). We get so consumed with looking "good" or "right" that we forget the heart of our father. I think Francis Chan said it best when he said "Adoption is the gospel message". Our Father in heaven did not create orphans when he created the world. They are a result of the entrance of sin. But there is good news there is redemption and God our Father loves to make beauty from ashes (Isaiah 61:1-3). I know not everyone is called to adoption but I do believe more are called then those who actually respond. During this month I will lay out ways to help that include adoption and then alternatives if you are unable to do so. I have one simple challenge on this Orphan Sunday. Pray a very simple prayer.
"LORD how are you calling me to help orphans in my community and abroad. Please release me from any fear that has kept me from answering your call on my life."
It's a scary prayer I know. One day we prayed that prayer and we went from wanting to adopt to saying we would foster and didn't need a "safe" case. It's a wild adventure caring for orphans no matter how the LORD is calling you to help. But it is an awesome adventure. The LORD is passionate about the fatherless so when we partner with him we become closer to him and that is the best part!
This is the day we brought home our sweet Trevor...he was supposed to stay for about a week. We adopted him 7/26/2013 :)
Sometime ago I listened to a sermon that Britt Merrick preached and in it he said it's not safe to follow Jesus. He spoke about when a family friend was going on a mission trip and her started to write "be safe". He said he stopped himself when he realized Jesus never called us to be safe in fact he called us to do quite the opposite.
As we have been walking this path of adoption Dustin and I have quickly realized that when we live a life that isn't safe it is full of lots of hurt but also lots of blessings. As you have read in the past we started off the Journey looking for a "safe" adoption plan. A child that was on the road to adoption with a low risk of going back. As the LORD worked on our hearts we found ourselves saying it doesn't matter how long they will stay we will love them anyway. We will love them with all we have and hold nothing back.
The LORD had used Britt and Kate Merrick to show us our children were a gift. And that everyday we have with them is a gift. A couple of weeks ago Britt and Kate's daughter Daisy (age 8) went to be with the LORD. She has changed many lives across the world. The LORD used her suffering through 4 cancer diagnosis for his glory. We loved harder and more willingly as we watched this story unfold. When I watched the memorial last Saturday it was full of laughter and tears. They web cast it and I along with almost 4,000 others watched from home as they filled up the auditorium they had used in Santa Barbara.
Adoption is risky. Following Jesus is risky. But oh it's so worth it. Because when you get that child in your arms you will know that God choose you to be their parent. It maybe for a week or a month or maybe 65 years. But he choose you to love them. So don't be afraid if they may leave tomorrow or next week, just love them anyway.
When you encounter the birth parents love them with all you have. They need your love too. When you are dealing with social workers and Judges love them with all you have. In the end love wins. We need to not be afraid we just need to love everyone like Jesus. You will never say I loved them too much.
To read more of Daisy's story you can visit Pray For Daisy
There is a blog and multiple videos including her memorial service.
Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and courageous. do not be afraid or terrified of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you or forsake you.
So Today is November 30th the last day of national adoption month. I have blogged almost everyday and today will be my final blog in the series on Adoption. Today I want to deal with the call to foster care and adoption (international, domestic, and any other way it can happen). This is a ministry I feel many are called to, yet few answer the call.
Often times we think or say "It is a broken system full of corruption, how can I make a difference?" Well you can be the one that isn't corrupt. If it is international adoption you can make sure that your child isn't a trafficked child. You can do this by making sure your agency is upstanding and does due diligence some people even hire their own personal private investigator. If you are going to adopt domestically through the foster care system you can be that safe family. You can be the one that stands up for what is right. The LORD never promised that when he called us into ministry it would be safe. In fact it is just the opposite. We are living a life devoted to the LORD. It isn't comfortable or safe when you love with your whole heart, but it is full of purpose and blessings. In Roman times unwanted children were left to die in fields and on the side of roads, Christians adopted these children and at the risk of death. I think that the risks we are taking are far smaller then some of our ancestors.
In response to fear we should turn to God's word for answers.
Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for i am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand.
Isaiah 41:13 For I am the LORD your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you Do Not Fear; I will help you.
Isaiah 43:1-2 But now, this is what the LORD says he who created you, O Jacob, he formed you, O Israel: "Fear not for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters , I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers they will not sweep over you. when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.
Do you believe these promises? If you do then the call should not bring up fear, but anticipation for what the LORD will do through you.
International or domestic you are dealing with a broken system because this is a broken world. Don't run the other way because the system is broken. The children in the system need you. They need love, they need hope, they need healing. Brokenness should draw you in because the answer to brokenness lives in you and through you.
I could put all the verses that talk about defending the fatherless and taking care of the orphan but you already know that list is endless. So I will just put one verse up that I think sums it all up.
James 1:27a Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress...
I was at an adoption prayer group the other day and two ladies shared what their husbands said about adopting "Our lives are too easy, our lives are not meant to be easy." I thought this was such a neat way to look at life. Why are we always looking to make our lives easier? The LORD did not call us to an easy life. He did not call us to a life free from hurts. What He did promise was to redeem and bring beauty from ashes. He also promised to be with us as we walked through trials.
The orphan issue can be overwhelming when we look at the numbers, so don't look at the numbers anymore just resolve to make a difference in just one orphans life. I challenge you to just take in one orphan if you are feeling called. Maybe it will be through foster care, or maybe you will travel to Ethiopia or Russia. It may be a baby or a teenager. Maybe you know a teenager who may not be up for "adoption" in the legal sense but you know they are lacking a family. There are so many ways this can look.
I hope this song will encourage you to not let fear overcome. You can adopt not because you have the ability or the time but because the LORD will equip you. "The God of angel armies is always by your side."
John 14:18 I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.
Today is little man's b-day. We were ready to celebrate. We had a party planned and lots of people were coming. It was joyous to wake up with our Big 1 year old. But there was one thing I didn't expect as the day went on. I began to feel sad. I felt sad that I knew his parents probably wouldn't call or write or send a card. I tried not to get choked up but I really was sad. Even now at 8pm even with little man fast asleep I wish they would call.
I wish they knew we prayed for them every night. That what we really wish is that they would become healthy and that little man could know them. I wish they knew that we loved them too.
My feelings of sadness are mixed with so much gratefulness for the fact that so much of his bio family is in his life. That we have pictures from the day he was born. That his Aunt and I are so close and that we have all become like family. Little man will definitely always know he is loved and by ALOT of people. You should have seen the group picture. Well soon soon I will be able to post it. And it only shows a small portion of all the love he has in his life
Today is black Friday. The day when Americans go out and shop to get the best deals for the things they "need" oh how our priorities are off. When there are children without homes we call the new TV a need? Maybe just maybe if we understood the true meaning of the word need we would be able to see that we are overflowing and we have no lack of need. There are things we may want but not things we need. I am guilty of this too. In fact this year I was guilty of saying "Honey I think we need a flat screen I mean they are so cheap right now." So really what I should have said was "wow flat screens are so cheap it would be nice to get one."
My challenge today as we go into the gift buying frenzy is to remember that there are some children who will receive no gifts and have no family. A child without a place to call home is someone in need not a family without a flat screen.
Today I am Thankful for so month but after Thanksgiving 2011 Thanksgiving will be extra special. It will be the day our family grew. It didn't just grow by one little man though it grew another 2 aunts another grandma another grandpa, uncles, and lots of cousins. The best part is we ate Thanksgiving dinner having no idea, but talking with friends about our dreams of what life would be like when our family grew. You see you always think it will be one way but the LORD always blesses you in ways you never expect. Today I am thankful for family and the fact that family is so much more then blood. Family is love. So open your heart and let some love in :)
Thanksgiving this year marks the anniversary for a few things for us. On the Tuesday before Thanksgiving 2011 we received our first placement call from the county. The placement never came to our home but it taught us a lot. The phone call came at 11am it was basically a get ready and wait for another call. The day moved on and I checked my phone constantly waiting and waiting. Around 5 the phone rang and we were told you are on call for the whole Thanksgiving weekend. I don't know who will call you or when. So there we were wondering where a child we didn't know was. Wondering how they were if they were safe, if they were warm, if they were hungry. Oh man, I didn't know I could worry about a little one I didn't know that much. It prepared us for the unpredictable life we were entering. Where up means down and left means right. Not on purpose, it's just the name of the game. As I reflect I see how much these few days before little man grew us. We went to Thanksgiving and everyone knew we may run out the door to pick up a little one. We all talked and we explained why we wanted to walk this crazy journey. It reaffirmed everything and little did we know less then 24 hours later we would get a call that would change the rest of our lives.
One year ago the rubber hit the road and we haven't stopped since :)
This post is on a not so fun subject but a very necessary subject. It's the issue of pain and grieving in adoption. Adoption is beautiful yes but is also full of pain and grief. I know we hear those words and think run, run far away! But you don't want to run far away; the beauty of adoption is that it is a redemptive story. So we need to walk through the pain and grief so that the LORD can bring beauty from ashes.
Grief for an older child is probably pretty obvious right? They lost the only family they ever knew. It may have been broken and abusive. Many of their basic needs may not have been met. But they lost their mother and their father. One thing I think many people don't realize or think about is that a little newborn goes through the same loss.
Our little one grew in his mothers belly, he listened to her voice and heart everyday, and he heard his fathers voice everyday. She birthed him. From inside her belly he went onto her chest. And then within 24 hours she was gone. I know it isn't a conscious loss but even just typing that out as his mother my heart aches for him. This hurt is a part of the beauty of his story but none the less it is a part of his story. When he gets older I know the questions will come "mommy why didn't I grow in your belly?" Mommy "why couldn't I stay with my first mommy?" And who knows what else. We could sluff it off with "you grew in our heart and you are right where God planned for you to be." While these things are true, they would deny the true heart wrenching loss he experienced.
The other thing about this is that I as his mother experienced some huge losses in this. He didn't grow in my belly; I lost those 9 months of bonding and love together and he never nursed at my breast. And when I first met him my voice was strange to him; he didn't know me and i didn't know him. It was love at first sight don't get me wrong. But I still missed out on part of his life.
So this leaves us with two choices pretend none of this happened and cover it up with pretty words and clever sayings. Or we can face the pain and the grief head on acknowledging it, crying over it, and handing it over to the LORD, so he can make beauty from ashes.
I often hear people say "well if I couldn't get pregnant then I would adopt." There is one huge problem with this statement, adoption isn't about a childless family getting a child. It is about a child with out a family getting a family. When we refocus our attention to the fact that orphans are children without home, without a mother, without a father. Then we realize how heartbreaking this situation really is.
Close your eyes and picture that child without a place to call home, a bed to call their own, someone to call mom. There are many more orphans then there are childless families. These children are not only blessings to families without children they are blessings to families with children. The reason they are blessings though is because you can see the heart of the LORD. The LORD loves this children, he loves his children. We are all adopted into his family as well and that is why adoption is beautiful because it is a reflection God's love for all of us.
A little window into what it looks and feels like when you get a call. When we said we would take calls we got our first call a few weeks later. The first call was for a 2 year old and then that fell through in a sense. The second phone call came a few days later and that was for little man. It is a whirlwind when you get the phone calls and we have had time to prepare. It's this crazy thing where often you don't even have a name just a gender and an age and you already care so much. You want them to be safe and feel safe. You want them to be fed, and warm, and you can't wait to hold them in your arms.
So if your wondering if you will be able to love enough or if your love will come right away. Well I didn't realize that it would come with a phone call stating the gender and age so I think you will be fine :)
When I think about families taking in kids, I'm puzzled why so many men seem to have a negative view of foster care and adoption. In our culture today, men see opening up their homes as a new struggle and added stress. Some would ask, "why would I do that, isn't that what people do when they can't have children?"
There have been a few men that have come along side me in my life and they have altered my perspective and opened my eyes. I know some men and some friends that have been there for me and they were the examples and inspiration I needed to change for the better. I feel bonded to them and close to them, even though we are not related by blood.
When it comes to the outcasts and broken in society, it usually seems to be the women that step up and make a difference. Its always the women that ask the men to stand in the gap for the helpless. My encouragement to the men is to stand up for what they know is true and good, to take the torch and lead the way. I challenge the fathers to imagine what our world would like if we opened up our homes to kids in need, to kids with lots of love to share.
