We have spent the past 9 years of our almost 10 year marriage in Santa Cruz, Ca and in a couple of weeks we will be saying goodbye. I haven't processed my feelings about this as it has all seemed to happen so quickly.
When we moved to Santa Cruz I was 22 and 8 weeks pregnant with our first child. It was wild and such a leap of faith. I remember crying as we drove away from our first apartment after all the hurdles we had leaped to move. But as we started up the Uhaul the song "I will walk by faith" came on and we held hands and sang with all our heart. "I will walk by faith even when I can not see."
We couldn't see that all 5 of our children would be born in the same hospital. 2 would grow in my belly and 3 would grow in our hearts. We have made life long friends. The LORD has stretched us and grown us in ways we would have never expected. We have experienced life come into this world and life leave this world. We have cried we have rejoiced. We have stood up for what was right even when we were standing alone. But most importantly we have grown together as we have continued to make Christ the center of our lives and our marriage.
This new journey will come with struggles, like packing up and moving 5 kids. It will also be filled with blessings and new lessons.
This verse seemed so fitting for the day that we announce our big move.
Everyday the headlines are full of all sorts of atrocities. But there is one headline you will rarely ever see. One headline no one wants to read about. "Slavery is alive and well in America" In america there are approximately 300,000-400,000 children commercially sexually exploited. That number brings me to my knees.
This is national adoption month, and you may be asking yourself why in the world I am talking about sex trafficking during a month dedicated to celebrating adoption. Well here is your answer in the form of another statistic; 98% of children who are identified as survivors of sex trafficking had previous involvement with child welfare services.
Have you ever thought about what happens to the children who aren't adopted that are in our child welfare system? Did you know that 5 is considered old when speaking of foster children?
As followers of Christ we are called to defend the cause of the orphan. Not everyone is called to adopt but we are all called to do something. And knowing that if 1 family in every 3 churches adopted we would have no more children waiting in America, I think its fair to say we aren't answering the call.
This video may be hard to watch but we have been ignoring this reality for far to long.
Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow. Isaiah 1:17
On Friday November 22nd we adopted our twins. A boy and a girl named Luke and Ava.
This year we completed two adoptions! Life is wild when you truly say yes to wherever the LORD leads. Many people tell us we are blessing these sweet children, but I am here to tell you it is the other way around. Trevor, Luke, and Ava have brought more joy into our lives then I could have ever dreamed of! We have gained Aunties and Uncles. Cousins and Grandparents. Our heart is full with the love that surrounds us. What has happened through our adoptions is not of this world.
Adoption is love. Just as we are adopted as sons and daughters of God because of his great love for us. To quote a friend adoption takes something broken and makes it whole.
So here we are all 7 Stone's
Isaiah 61:3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion-
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of Joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.
Praise our LORD for he trades beauty for ashes! May all 5 of our children follow him all the days of their lives and may they bring him glory in all they do.
For the last almost 3 years our family has walked through a lot of loss and unexpected hard things with friends. We have always had a heart for adoption but the LORD used this losses to change our idea of what that would look like. Yesterday I was reminded again why we said we would take a child even if they didn't stay forever. And that is because our children our not our own they are the LORDS we are just entrusted with their care for a time.
So here is a little window into our past 3 years or so. My husbands college pastor's 5 year old daughter was diagnosed with a rare form a cancer that wound up taking her life earlier this year. A dear friend was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer and passed away a few months later. I was with another friend while she labored and her daughter was born into the arms of Jesus. Then this year a dear friend was diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia and she almost passed away more then once. A friend had a referral for and international adoption and before they were able to bring him home he went to be with the LORD. And then most recently a friends child was given a diagnosis that was devastating about half way through her pregnancy. He was born on Monday and they had wonderful hour with him before he went to be with the LORD.
Wow I look back at that and think how did all of that happen in such a short amount of time. I guess you might say "aren't you angry with God?" I'm not mad, I do sometimes ask why, and then I remember this is a fallen world full of sickness and disease. If the LORD answered me why I probably wouldn't understand. I just need to trust him and lean on him. I try to remember the verse "Jesus wept." Jesus knew he would raise Lazarus from the dead yet he wept.
All of this loss has reminded my heart that my children belong to LORD that my husband belongs to the LORD. My everything is the LORDS. I need to savor each moment as if it were my last. And in the midst of the tears to remember "Death has died and Love has won!"
I am thankful that one day there will be no more tears. I am thankful that the LORD overcame death. I am thankful that he grew babies in my tummy. I am thankful that he placed babies in my home through adoption. I am thankful he didn't tell me what that journey would have looked like or I might not have stepped out. He has called us to put one foot in front of the other. To treat every day as a gift. And to not be afraid of death.
So today I will love my babies. I will have parenthood parties on the oncology unit with my sweet friend. I will care about the important things and not worry about the things that don't matter. I will let go of religious rules and just love. I won't try to be super-mom. I will be vulnerable and real. Today I will rebuke fear and step out in faith saying yes to wherever the LORD may lead.
I want to add that it is so often true that Joy and sorrow flow mingled down. almost exactly two years ago our we received our first foster placement a baby boy. We adopted him on July 26th of this year. and in March his biological twin siblings were placed with us. We will adopt them this month. Friends had babies and many parties and celebrations were had as well. God is good! All the time God is good!
Below is a song that spoke to my heart yesterday in the middle of my grief.
So blogging has been put on the back burner due to the addition of twins to our household. Just a little busy with 3 under 2??? Busy and full of blessings!
Well right now our house is full of sorrow and Joy I think I am truly learning what that means. We are overjoyed with the addition of the twins and the upcoming adoption finalization of our little man. And yet at the same time I am burdened with sorrow as my dear friend has been diagnosed with Leukemia. The feelings I have experienced have surprised me in many ways as I just recently watched one of my husbands mentors loose his daughter to Cancer. She was young sweet and innocent. We were devastated when she passed away. There are some things Kate Merrick wrote that now hit me harder. You see as much as I have seen cancer I have not SEEN cancer. It is something I wish no one would ever have to witness. There is something about seeing someone you love in pain. When you see them weak and weary. It is heart breaking.
In all of this I know I have two choices. I can become bitter and full of hatred and anger, or I can fix my eyes on the promise of Jesus. I choose the later. I could ask why or I could ask the LORD to come and be in the midst of this. I choose to ask Him to come. I know her cancer is treatable and I do not know how this will all end, but I do know I serve a God that is bigger then her cancer. I also know that I serve a God that loves her more then I could ever love her.
So I press on with my friend in this battle and at them same time enjoy the blessing we are experiencing in life and they feel so much more joyous! And I share those joys with her because in the midst of her pain I know the LORD intends to bless her in ways she could never imagine.
Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:18 "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." Joshua 1:9 " Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you where ever you go."
When I hear this song I feel I am both the beginning of this song at the same time and yet the theme is the same "I will bring Praise!"
So recently I saw this video of Francis Chan talking about how we often treat the teachings of Jesus. He talks about how we memorize what Jesus says and we talk about it in bible studies but we don't do it.
I have been sitting on what Francis Chan said for about a week now. I can't shake it. Jesus was very clear in his teaching what we do for the least of these we do for him. What we "DO" with our actions, not what we do in our heart, or the verse we memorize that says to help the widows. Why is it when it comes to our father in heaven we think its enough to say well I memorized that verse about caring for the orphans and we talked about in bible study. Oh and one time I donated some money to a non-profit.
I mean really it sounds so ridiculous. But yet it so what we do as humans. We like to be comfortable and doing what Jesus says means putting your heart on the line. It means being emotionally involved with broken people. Not an easy thing to do.
I think this quote sums it all up.
"The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the door and deny him with their lifestyle" -Brennan Manning
Are you being Jesus to the world today? Are you feeding the poor? Are you caring for the widows? Are you loving the orphans? Or are you living in your safe Christian bubble, only spending time with your friends who believe what you believe? Are you living a life with little risk?
Be radical because Jesus was radical, live with all you have. One of the greatest gifts you can give your children is showing them how to step outside your comfort zone and love those the world says are unlovable. Because that is what our LORD did for us. He loved us when we were unlovable. He loved us while we rejected him. So when that person rejects you love them more. Love them harder. Not with your words, not in your heart, but with your hands and feet.
So it was quiet in the house and I decided to power out some dishes. I went into the kitchen set up some music and got started. A few songs in and my eyes welled up with tears. I couldn't help but think of the grief and pain involved with adoption. My heart was breaking for my little ones birth mom and the loss that they have all experienced. Even when we have eternal hope life is hard and our hearts hurt for this broken world.
You broke my chains of sin and shame and you covered me with your grace.
You mend my life with your holy fire
You cover me with grace
You are the hand that reaches out to save
I am set free oh oh oh oh
It is for freedom that I am set free
I am set free-All sons and Daughters
May we all experience freedom in the midst of this broken world.
Galatians 5:1 It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
I discovered a new non-profit today that works with foster children and foster parents. Their goal is not to just recruit more loving homes for these children who need a family but to support the families who want to love them. As well as impacting the lives of the foster children in the system. They have some creative ideas that I would love to see happen in Santa Cruz.
My favorite thing they do is called Tuesday night suppers. They go into the group homes cook with the kids in the group home, eat with them, and then play board games with them.
There are so many ways we can help these children!
How will you step outside your comfort zone and love these kiddos?
Lot's of tears have been shed over the last 5 days but today a big wave hit my while doing the dishes. The music was playing and the kids were having fun and giggling next to me on the floor. From Friday's massacre of 20 innocent children and 7 adults, to Daisy Love Merrick I just couldn't keep them back. I silently cried as the tears rolled down into the soapy water. I pleaded with the LORD asking him to heal Daisy Love and was gently reminded as I cried that he loved me and Daisy more then anyone ever could.
If you don't know Daisy's story she is an 8 year old girl who has just been diagnosed with two cancerous tumors for the 4th time in her short life. She isn't just any 8 year old girl to us though. Her dad was/is one of my husbands mentors. He discipled my husband and taught him what it meant to be a man after God's own heart. If you have met Britt you know he is a man after God's own heart and if you met my husband you can tell he is a good teacher. Because of this Daisy holds an extra special place in our hearts along with her whole family. Christmas 2011 we stood at church chatting with her mom (Kate) while Elijah Merrick played with the children. She told us how happy she was that Daisy's cancer was gone (that was after the second diagnosis) yet she knew that all these treatments had taken a toll on her sweet body. That image is burned in my mind as I held our 5 week old little boy that was born in our hearts. At that same moment we told her how Daisy's story and their faith had given us the courage to take the steps that led us to him. My heart breaks on so many different levels. For Daisy as her body aches and she starts chemo again knowing that her tumors are inoperable. For Kate and Britt as I know as a mother and father how much they just want to take the pain away. For her older brother who probably wishes he could take away the pain too.
In all of this I know that God is good and he is bigger then any tumor even when I don't have the faith to believe it. This year at Christmas we will hold our little ones a little tighter and tell them we love them a little bit more. We will remember that our children are not ours but that they belong to our Father in heaven who loves them so much more then we ever could. And he will not forsake us.
Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
John 11:35 Jesus wept.
To read more of Daisy's story and witness her families incredible faith go here www.prayfordaisy.com
So Today is November 30th the last day of national adoption month. I have blogged almost everyday and today will be my final blog in the series on Adoption. Today I want to deal with the call to foster care and adoption (international, domestic, and any other way it can happen). This is a ministry I feel many are called to, yet few answer the call.
Often times we think or say "It is a broken system full of corruption, how can I make a difference?" Well you can be the one that isn't corrupt. If it is international adoption you can make sure that your child isn't a trafficked child. You can do this by making sure your agency is upstanding and does due diligence some people even hire their own personal private investigator. If you are going to adopt domestically through the foster care system you can be that safe family. You can be the one that stands up for what is right. The LORD never promised that when he called us into ministry it would be safe. In fact it is just the opposite. We are living a life devoted to the LORD. It isn't comfortable or safe when you love with your whole heart, but it is full of purpose and blessings. In Roman times unwanted children were left to die in fields and on the side of roads, Christians adopted these children and at the risk of death. I think that the risks we are taking are far smaller then some of our ancestors.
In response to fear we should turn to God's word for answers.
Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for i am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand.
Isaiah 41:13 For I am the LORD your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you Do Not Fear; I will help you.
Isaiah 43:1-2 But now, this is what the LORD says he who created you, O Jacob, he formed you, O Israel: "Fear not for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters , I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers they will not sweep over you. when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.
Do you believe these promises? If you do then the call should not bring up fear, but anticipation for what the LORD will do through you.
International or domestic you are dealing with a broken system because this is a broken world. Don't run the other way because the system is broken. The children in the system need you. They need love, they need hope, they need healing. Brokenness should draw you in because the answer to brokenness lives in you and through you.
I could put all the verses that talk about defending the fatherless and taking care of the orphan but you already know that list is endless. So I will just put one verse up that I think sums it all up.
James 1:27a Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress...
I was at an adoption prayer group the other day and two ladies shared what their husbands said about adopting "Our lives are too easy, our lives are not meant to be easy." I thought this was such a neat way to look at life. Why are we always looking to make our lives easier? The LORD did not call us to an easy life. He did not call us to a life free from hurts. What He did promise was to redeem and bring beauty from ashes. He also promised to be with us as we walked through trials.
The orphan issue can be overwhelming when we look at the numbers, so don't look at the numbers anymore just resolve to make a difference in just one orphans life. I challenge you to just take in one orphan if you are feeling called. Maybe it will be through foster care, or maybe you will travel to Ethiopia or Russia. It may be a baby or a teenager. Maybe you know a teenager who may not be up for "adoption" in the legal sense but you know they are lacking a family. There are so many ways this can look.
I hope this song will encourage you to not let fear overcome. You can adopt not because you have the ability or the time but because the LORD will equip you. "The God of angel armies is always by your side."
John 14:18 I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.
Today is little man's b-day. We were ready to celebrate. We had a party planned and lots of people were coming. It was joyous to wake up with our Big 1 year old. But there was one thing I didn't expect as the day went on. I began to feel sad. I felt sad that I knew his parents probably wouldn't call or write or send a card. I tried not to get choked up but I really was sad. Even now at 8pm even with little man fast asleep I wish they would call.
I wish they knew we prayed for them every night. That what we really wish is that they would become healthy and that little man could know them. I wish they knew that we loved them too.
My feelings of sadness are mixed with so much gratefulness for the fact that so much of his bio family is in his life. That we have pictures from the day he was born. That his Aunt and I are so close and that we have all become like family. Little man will definitely always know he is loved and by ALOT of people. You should have seen the group picture. Well soon soon I will be able to post it. And it only shows a small portion of all the love he has in his life
Today I am Thankful for so month but after Thanksgiving 2011 Thanksgiving will be extra special. It will be the day our family grew. It didn't just grow by one little man though it grew another 2 aunts another grandma another grandpa, uncles, and lots of cousins. The best part is we ate Thanksgiving dinner having no idea, but talking with friends about our dreams of what life would be like when our family grew. You see you always think it will be one way but the LORD always blesses you in ways you never expect. Today I am thankful for family and the fact that family is so much more then blood. Family is love. So open your heart and let some love in :)
Thanksgiving this year marks the anniversary for a few things for us. On the Tuesday before Thanksgiving 2011 we received our first placement call from the county. The placement never came to our home but it taught us a lot. The phone call came at 11am it was basically a get ready and wait for another call. The day moved on and I checked my phone constantly waiting and waiting. Around 5 the phone rang and we were told you are on call for the whole Thanksgiving weekend. I don't know who will call you or when. So there we were wondering where a child we didn't know was. Wondering how they were if they were safe, if they were warm, if they were hungry. Oh man, I didn't know I could worry about a little one I didn't know that much. It prepared us for the unpredictable life we were entering. Where up means down and left means right. Not on purpose, it's just the name of the game. As I reflect I see how much these few days before little man grew us. We went to Thanksgiving and everyone knew we may run out the door to pick up a little one. We all talked and we explained why we wanted to walk this crazy journey. It reaffirmed everything and little did we know less then 24 hours later we would get a call that would change the rest of our lives.
One year ago the rubber hit the road and we haven't stopped since :)
If you have adopted a child or are thinking about adoption or foster care please do not be afraid of the child’s biological family. The one who messed up or has struggles which placed the child in your care is not indicative of the rest of his or her family. I am speaking from experience, my brother is an addict. He cannot take care of himself, let alone a child. The system truly works sometimes and in my case it has been a blessing. A beautiful family with open arms welcomed the baby into their home. With an open and trusting heart they let me be involved with the baby and as a result, the baby has an even bigger family to love him. Give family members a chance and if they respect your boundaries and love the child then you will receive blessings as well. There is no such thing as too much love!
I often hear people say "well if I couldn't get pregnant then I would adopt." There is one huge problem with this statement, adoption isn't about a childless family getting a child. It is about a child with out a family getting a family. When we refocus our attention to the fact that orphans are children without home, without a mother, without a father. Then we realize how heartbreaking this situation really is.
Close your eyes and picture that child without a place to call home, a bed to call their own, someone to call mom. There are many more orphans then there are childless families. These children are not only blessings to families without children they are blessings to families with children. The reason they are blessings though is because you can see the heart of the LORD. The LORD loves this children, he loves his children. We are all adopted into his family as well and that is why adoption is beautiful because it is a reflection God's love for all of us.
A little window into what it looks and feels like when you get a call. When we said we would take calls we got our first call a few weeks later. The first call was for a 2 year old and then that fell through in a sense. The second phone call came a few days later and that was for little man. It is a whirlwind when you get the phone calls and we have had time to prepare. It's this crazy thing where often you don't even have a name just a gender and an age and you already care so much. You want them to be safe and feel safe. You want them to be fed, and warm, and you can't wait to hold them in your arms.
So if your wondering if you will be able to love enough or if your love will come right away. Well I didn't realize that it would come with a phone call stating the gender and age so I think you will be fine :)
When I think about families taking in kids, I'm puzzled why so many men seem to have a negative view of foster care and adoption. In our culture today, men see opening up their homes as a new struggle and added stress. Some would ask, "why would I do that, isn't that what people do when they can't have children?"
There have been a few men that have come along side me in my life and they have altered my perspective and opened my eyes. I know some men and some friends that have been there for me and they were the examples and inspiration I needed to change for the better. I feel bonded to them and close to them, even though we are not related by blood.
When it comes to the outcasts and broken in society, it usually seems to be the women that step up and make a difference. Its always the women that ask the men to stand in the gap for the helpless. My encouragement to the men is to stand up for what they know is true and good, to take the torch and lead the way. I challenge the fathers to imagine what our world would like if we opened up our homes to kids in need, to kids with lots of love to share.
Last night Dustin and I were able to go on a much needed date night. It's been a while since we went on a date and even longer since we have gone to the movies. Since I married a surfer and we live in Santa Cruz seeing Chasing Mavericks in the theaters was a must. Surfing on the big screen...even I say YES!!!
Chasing Maverick was everything I thought it would be. It was full of all the familiar places we know and love since it was filmed her in Santa Cruz. We had fun looking for our friend who was a surfing stunt double.
Dustin of course noticed him immediately. But there was something surprising about the story that I didn't expect. You see it was really a story about adoption. It was an adoption that took place without anyone realizing it. Jay needed a father and really a mom too. And Frosty and his wife adopted him without realizing it. The movie ends with both of them realizing this. They loved each other like family even though they weren't blood related even though no court had ever declared it. Because you see adoption is a matter of the heart not a matter of paper and courts. When they say an adopted child is born in your heart it is so true.
Today I am thankful for a wonderful date night that the LORD used to encourage us that adoption is so much more then a paper and that our only job is to love each child that comes into our home.
I am on prayer team at church and today I was asked to pray for two teenage girls who live in a group home. I asked for their prayer request and they both had the same simple request. They both said "Could you pray for a good foster home for me?" Wow! One simple request from these beautiful girls! It was the first time i was face to face with a teenager that didn't have a place to call home.
Today's challenge is simple. I am asking you to join me in prayer today and ask that the LORD would open our hearts to love these amazing children. That he would provide everything preventing families from taking them in like emotional fears to housing or time.
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