I read a couple statistics the other day in a book by the barna group and I was floored. In fact I am still floored by what I read.
38% of practicing Christians seriously consider adoption
5% of practicing Christians adopted a child
31% of practicing Christians seriously consider becoming a foster parent
3% of practicing Christians became a foster parent
*Becoming home by: Jedd Medefind
So these people aren't just thinking oh that would be nice they are taking the time to really consider what that means but very few will actually follow through. So that begs the question why? What holds them back? I actually asked a group of pastors this last week and the first answer I heard was fear. And you know what he is right. I know because I almost let fear take over. Dustin and I knew the LORD was calling us into foster care but I was scared. We stopped and started the process. I had tons of reasons not to then Dustin had reasons. We almost let fear win but I am so glad we didn't.
When I sit and think what if I had let fear win I am brought to my knees and filled with tears. If I had let fear win we would be a totally different family. Was foster care hard. Yes. Is adoption simple and straight forward. Not at all. But every bit of it is worth it. All of the sacrifice all of the unknowns I would do them all over again. The lessons I learned and continue to learn about love and life are worth so much. And the blessings oh the blessings. To watch these sweet children grow together and learn about life together.
SO today I challenge you to pray this. LORD what am I letting fear keep me from? LORD help me to step out in faith with courage to walk in the calling you have for my life.
It's that time of year when I try to pick up my blog and try to blog everyday. I might be successful and I might not be but I will do my best. This year I am going to try to tackle some new ideas this year. If you have a subject surrounding foster care and adoption you would like me to tackle let me know and I will do my best. I will even try to rope the hubby into writing a post this month.
So I will leave this post plain and simple I challenge everyone to pray this month. Pray everyday for orphans. For children who find themselves in foster care. For parents who have had their children removed from their home. For Judges. For Social workers. For foster parents. For adoptive parents. For everyone else involved with children in the varying forms of care. And as we should always do ask the LORD what he is calling you to do.
4 years ago Thanksgiving week took on a new meaning for our family. Om November 25th 2011 the phone rang and a sweet social worker asked me if we would be willing to take a newborn baby boy for a week. I said yes and agreed to meet her at the hospital a few hours later. After arriving at the hospital I quickly learned this would not be a week long engagement. Though as foster care always is it was unknown how long this sweet boy would actually stay. Needless to say our sweet Trevor changed our lives forever.
I am so thankful for my sweet boy and so thankful for an unknown journey that led me to a place of having a deeper relationship with my heavenly Father. When I was handed this sweet baby boy as I sat in a rocking chair and I looked into his eyes and promised to love him I had no idea how many other amazing people and life lessons were coming with him. He is my blue eyed curly headed boy. With tons of energy and yet almost half the day today he cuddled on my lap just because. Oh what would my life be without him...I am so thankful I will never know.
Everyday the headlines are full of all sorts of atrocities. But there is one headline you will rarely ever see. One headline no one wants to read about. "Slavery is alive and well in America" In america there are approximately 300,000-400,000 children commercially sexually exploited. That number brings me to my knees.
This is national adoption month, and you may be asking yourself why in the world I am talking about sex trafficking during a month dedicated to celebrating adoption. Well here is your answer in the form of another statistic; 98% of children who are identified as survivors of sex trafficking had previous involvement with child welfare services.
Have you ever thought about what happens to the children who aren't adopted that are in our child welfare system? Did you know that 5 is considered old when speaking of foster children?
As followers of Christ we are called to defend the cause of the orphan. Not everyone is called to adopt but we are all called to do something. And knowing that if 1 family in every 3 churches adopted we would have no more children waiting in America, I think its fair to say we aren't answering the call.
This video may be hard to watch but we have been ignoring this reality for far to long.
Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow. Isaiah 1:17
Some people might think I am being a little extreme when I say we should really try to fulfill foster youths needs with new things. Well I will do my best to explain why this could make all the difference for these young men and women.
So to start I would like you to imagine a 6 year old little girl. She has two younger siblings, they are 3 and 1. She goes to school everyday and is in the first grade. She loves playing with dolls and all things sparkly. Her clothes are tattered and they smell of smoke and must. When she gets home from school her "chores" await her. She changes diapers, gets bottles, prepares dinner, and tries to clean up the house. This is all while her parents are so loaded they have no idea what is going on and when they happen to be more aware they are usually fighting.
One night things get out of control, the neighbors call law enforcement who arrive with a social worker in tow. The social worker takes the children to the office and starts making phone calls to find a foster home. They find a home for the 1 and 3 year old but they can't take the 6 year old too. The children are separated. You see in the world of foster care 6 is old.
So fast forward a few years. The biological parents are unable to reunify with their children, the 1 and 3 year old siblings have been adopted together, but the sweet 6 year old is now 8 and has lived in 4 different homes. With every move she sinks deeper into herself. She wonders why no one loves her. Is she unlovable? She starts to try to cause the rejection in new homes. Almost like trying to rip the band aid off hoping it won't hurt so badly the next time someone gives up on her.
So there you have it an 8 year old little girl who feels as though no one will ever love and that all she is worth is second best. At this point she will likely continue to bounce from home to home. Growing up in foster care never feeling like she has a place to call home.
What would it mean to this sweet girl if someone came into her life and handed her something new. A pair of pants she looked at but felt she wasn't worth. Those beautiful boots. Or that trendy jacket. What if we treated her as we did our own children instead of cleaning out our closets of unwanted out of date clothing we got her something new. Something she desired.
That right there is why I believe it is so important to buy foster youth new things. Things they desire no matter how silly we may think it seems. Many of these children have never been given something new their whole life. So when you hear a 16 year old girl in foster care is asking for Doc Martins don't brush it off and say she should be happy with whatever she gets. Think about the sweet girl who has been rejected so many times that she feels unlovable.
If you think I am being extreme please ask me and I will share personal stories where I know that the simple act of something new made a difference for a child.
On Friday November 22nd we adopted our twins. A boy and a girl named Luke and Ava.
This year we completed two adoptions! Life is wild when you truly say yes to wherever the LORD leads. Many people tell us we are blessing these sweet children, but I am here to tell you it is the other way around. Trevor, Luke, and Ava have brought more joy into our lives then I could have ever dreamed of! We have gained Aunties and Uncles. Cousins and Grandparents. Our heart is full with the love that surrounds us. What has happened through our adoptions is not of this world.
Adoption is love. Just as we are adopted as sons and daughters of God because of his great love for us. To quote a friend adoption takes something broken and makes it whole.
So here we are all 7 Stone's
Isaiah 61:3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion-
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of Joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.
Praise our LORD for he trades beauty for ashes! May all 5 of our children follow him all the days of their lives and may they bring him glory in all they do.
For the last almost 3 years our family has walked through a lot of loss and unexpected hard things with friends. We have always had a heart for adoption but the LORD used this losses to change our idea of what that would look like. Yesterday I was reminded again why we said we would take a child even if they didn't stay forever. And that is because our children our not our own they are the LORDS we are just entrusted with their care for a time.
So here is a little window into our past 3 years or so. My husbands college pastor's 5 year old daughter was diagnosed with a rare form a cancer that wound up taking her life earlier this year. A dear friend was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer and passed away a few months later. I was with another friend while she labored and her daughter was born into the arms of Jesus. Then this year a dear friend was diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia and she almost passed away more then once. A friend had a referral for and international adoption and before they were able to bring him home he went to be with the LORD. And then most recently a friends child was given a diagnosis that was devastating about half way through her pregnancy. He was born on Monday and they had wonderful hour with him before he went to be with the LORD.
Wow I look back at that and think how did all of that happen in such a short amount of time. I guess you might say "aren't you angry with God?" I'm not mad, I do sometimes ask why, and then I remember this is a fallen world full of sickness and disease. If the LORD answered me why I probably wouldn't understand. I just need to trust him and lean on him. I try to remember the verse "Jesus wept." Jesus knew he would raise Lazarus from the dead yet he wept.
All of this loss has reminded my heart that my children belong to LORD that my husband belongs to the LORD. My everything is the LORDS. I need to savor each moment as if it were my last. And in the midst of the tears to remember "Death has died and Love has won!"
I am thankful that one day there will be no more tears. I am thankful that the LORD overcame death. I am thankful that he grew babies in my tummy. I am thankful that he placed babies in my home through adoption. I am thankful he didn't tell me what that journey would have looked like or I might not have stepped out. He has called us to put one foot in front of the other. To treat every day as a gift. And to not be afraid of death.
So today I will love my babies. I will have parenthood parties on the oncology unit with my sweet friend. I will care about the important things and not worry about the things that don't matter. I will let go of religious rules and just love. I won't try to be super-mom. I will be vulnerable and real. Today I will rebuke fear and step out in faith saying yes to wherever the LORD may lead.
I want to add that it is so often true that Joy and sorrow flow mingled down. almost exactly two years ago our we received our first foster placement a baby boy. We adopted him on July 26th of this year. and in March his biological twin siblings were placed with us. We will adopt them this month. Friends had babies and many parties and celebrations were had as well. God is good! All the time God is good!
Below is a song that spoke to my heart yesterday in the middle of my grief.
What in the world does me getting a new sister have anything to do with adoption?! Well I will tell you. When we started out on this crazy adventure to adoption we knew our family would grow at some point. That if we started fostering one of these sweeties would stick around forever. What we didn't know was all the other family we would gain.
Little Trevor brought a very special Big Sister into my life. My sister Shellyne. For the longest time we would answer with long winded answers about who she was to me or who I was to her. But I have given up on long answers and decided she is just my sister. You see just like adoption there was no denying it we were bonded to each other quickly and it was clear that it was a forever bond.
The blessings of adoption span so far beyond what we could hope or dream. I am thankful that all my children have gained more cousins, Aunts, Uncles, and even an extra Grandma.
James 1:27 "Religion God our Father finds pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."
Our Father in heaven does not want us to sing the right songs, wear the right clothes, be friends with the right people, have our children be perfectly behaved, or a long list of other to-dos. He wants us to love the least of these (Matthew 25:40). We get so consumed with looking "good" or "right" that we forget the heart of our father. I think Francis Chan said it best when he said "Adoption is the gospel message". Our Father in heaven did not create orphans when he created the world. They are a result of the entrance of sin. But there is good news there is redemption and God our Father loves to make beauty from ashes (Isaiah 61:1-3). I know not everyone is called to adoption but I do believe more are called then those who actually respond. During this month I will lay out ways to help that include adoption and then alternatives if you are unable to do so. I have one simple challenge on this Orphan Sunday. Pray a very simple prayer.
"LORD how are you calling me to help orphans in my community and abroad. Please release me from any fear that has kept me from answering your call on my life."
It's a scary prayer I know. One day we prayed that prayer and we went from wanting to adopt to saying we would foster and didn't need a "safe" case. It's a wild adventure caring for orphans no matter how the LORD is calling you to help. But it is an awesome adventure. The LORD is passionate about the fatherless so when we partner with him we become closer to him and that is the best part!
This is the day we brought home our sweet Trevor...he was supposed to stay for about a week. We adopted him 7/26/2013 :)
Last year I tried to blog everyday in November about orphans and adoption. So lets do this again. Today will be simple since it is already 9:30 and I am exhausted! I know I only have 5 kids I shouldn't be exhausted.
So lets just start with me being thankful that we finalized our sweet sons adoption on July 26th of this year!!! Here are some photos of the wonderful day!
20 months to the day we brought our sweet Trevor home from the hospital we finalized his adoption. On Friday July 26th we promised to love Trevor as our own. In some ways it seemed so silly since we already loved him as our own since the day we met him. But in other ways it was so powerful to promise in front of family and friends to love him forever and sign papers that made him legal our son.
It was another picture of God's redemptive plan for his people through Jesus. We are adopted into Gods family and loved us as his own. But then there is this huge powerful moment where the depth and the power of what that means is revealed through the holy spirit. It is a moment that changes you forever and that is what our day before the judge was, a day that changed us forever.
Ephesians 1:5 "God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure."
So recently I saw this video of Francis Chan talking about how we often treat the teachings of Jesus. He talks about how we memorize what Jesus says and we talk about it in bible studies but we don't do it.
I have been sitting on what Francis Chan said for about a week now. I can't shake it. Jesus was very clear in his teaching what we do for the least of these we do for him. What we "DO" with our actions, not what we do in our heart, or the verse we memorize that says to help the widows. Why is it when it comes to our father in heaven we think its enough to say well I memorized that verse about caring for the orphans and we talked about in bible study. Oh and one time I donated some money to a non-profit.
I mean really it sounds so ridiculous. But yet it so what we do as humans. We like to be comfortable and doing what Jesus says means putting your heart on the line. It means being emotionally involved with broken people. Not an easy thing to do.
I think this quote sums it all up.
"The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the door and deny him with their lifestyle" -Brennan Manning
Are you being Jesus to the world today? Are you feeding the poor? Are you caring for the widows? Are you loving the orphans? Or are you living in your safe Christian bubble, only spending time with your friends who believe what you believe? Are you living a life with little risk?
Be radical because Jesus was radical, live with all you have. One of the greatest gifts you can give your children is showing them how to step outside your comfort zone and love those the world says are unlovable. Because that is what our LORD did for us. He loved us when we were unlovable. He loved us while we rejected him. So when that person rejects you love them more. Love them harder. Not with your words, not in your heart, but with your hands and feet.
So it was quiet in the house and I decided to power out some dishes. I went into the kitchen set up some music and got started. A few songs in and my eyes welled up with tears. I couldn't help but think of the grief and pain involved with adoption. My heart was breaking for my little ones birth mom and the loss that they have all experienced. Even when we have eternal hope life is hard and our hearts hurt for this broken world.
You broke my chains of sin and shame and you covered me with your grace.
You mend my life with your holy fire
You cover me with grace
You are the hand that reaches out to save
I am set free oh oh oh oh
It is for freedom that I am set free
I am set free-All sons and Daughters
May we all experience freedom in the midst of this broken world.
Galatians 5:1 It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
Sometime ago I listened to a sermon that Britt Merrick preached and in it he said it's not safe to follow Jesus. He spoke about when a family friend was going on a mission trip and her started to write "be safe". He said he stopped himself when he realized Jesus never called us to be safe in fact he called us to do quite the opposite.
As we have been walking this path of adoption Dustin and I have quickly realized that when we live a life that isn't safe it is full of lots of hurt but also lots of blessings. As you have read in the past we started off the Journey looking for a "safe" adoption plan. A child that was on the road to adoption with a low risk of going back. As the LORD worked on our hearts we found ourselves saying it doesn't matter how long they will stay we will love them anyway. We will love them with all we have and hold nothing back.
The LORD had used Britt and Kate Merrick to show us our children were a gift. And that everyday we have with them is a gift. A couple of weeks ago Britt and Kate's daughter Daisy (age 8) went to be with the LORD. She has changed many lives across the world. The LORD used her suffering through 4 cancer diagnosis for his glory. We loved harder and more willingly as we watched this story unfold. When I watched the memorial last Saturday it was full of laughter and tears. They web cast it and I along with almost 4,000 others watched from home as they filled up the auditorium they had used in Santa Barbara.
Adoption is risky. Following Jesus is risky. But oh it's so worth it. Because when you get that child in your arms you will know that God choose you to be their parent. It maybe for a week or a month or maybe 65 years. But he choose you to love them. So don't be afraid if they may leave tomorrow or next week, just love them anyway.
When you encounter the birth parents love them with all you have. They need your love too. When you are dealing with social workers and Judges love them with all you have. In the end love wins. We need to not be afraid we just need to love everyone like Jesus. You will never say I loved them too much.
To read more of Daisy's story you can visit Pray For Daisy
There is a blog and multiple videos including her memorial service.
Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and courageous. do not be afraid or terrified of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you or forsake you.
I discovered a new non-profit today that works with foster children and foster parents. Their goal is not to just recruit more loving homes for these children who need a family but to support the families who want to love them. As well as impacting the lives of the foster children in the system. They have some creative ideas that I would love to see happen in Santa Cruz.
My favorite thing they do is called Tuesday night suppers. They go into the group homes cook with the kids in the group home, eat with them, and then play board games with them.
There are so many ways we can help these children!
How will you step outside your comfort zone and love these kiddos?
So Today is November 30th the last day of national adoption month. I have blogged almost everyday and today will be my final blog in the series on Adoption. Today I want to deal with the call to foster care and adoption (international, domestic, and any other way it can happen). This is a ministry I feel many are called to, yet few answer the call.
Often times we think or say "It is a broken system full of corruption, how can I make a difference?" Well you can be the one that isn't corrupt. If it is international adoption you can make sure that your child isn't a trafficked child. You can do this by making sure your agency is upstanding and does due diligence some people even hire their own personal private investigator. If you are going to adopt domestically through the foster care system you can be that safe family. You can be the one that stands up for what is right. The LORD never promised that when he called us into ministry it would be safe. In fact it is just the opposite. We are living a life devoted to the LORD. It isn't comfortable or safe when you love with your whole heart, but it is full of purpose and blessings. In Roman times unwanted children were left to die in fields and on the side of roads, Christians adopted these children and at the risk of death. I think that the risks we are taking are far smaller then some of our ancestors.
In response to fear we should turn to God's word for answers.
Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for i am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand.
Isaiah 41:13 For I am the LORD your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you Do Not Fear; I will help you.
Isaiah 43:1-2 But now, this is what the LORD says he who created you, O Jacob, he formed you, O Israel: "Fear not for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters , I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers they will not sweep over you. when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.
Do you believe these promises? If you do then the call should not bring up fear, but anticipation for what the LORD will do through you.
International or domestic you are dealing with a broken system because this is a broken world. Don't run the other way because the system is broken. The children in the system need you. They need love, they need hope, they need healing. Brokenness should draw you in because the answer to brokenness lives in you and through you.
I could put all the verses that talk about defending the fatherless and taking care of the orphan but you already know that list is endless. So I will just put one verse up that I think sums it all up.
James 1:27a Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress...
I was at an adoption prayer group the other day and two ladies shared what their husbands said about adopting "Our lives are too easy, our lives are not meant to be easy." I thought this was such a neat way to look at life. Why are we always looking to make our lives easier? The LORD did not call us to an easy life. He did not call us to a life free from hurts. What He did promise was to redeem and bring beauty from ashes. He also promised to be with us as we walked through trials.
The orphan issue can be overwhelming when we look at the numbers, so don't look at the numbers anymore just resolve to make a difference in just one orphans life. I challenge you to just take in one orphan if you are feeling called. Maybe it will be through foster care, or maybe you will travel to Ethiopia or Russia. It may be a baby or a teenager. Maybe you know a teenager who may not be up for "adoption" in the legal sense but you know they are lacking a family. There are so many ways this can look.
I hope this song will encourage you to not let fear overcome. You can adopt not because you have the ability or the time but because the LORD will equip you. "The God of angel armies is always by your side."
John 14:18 I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.
Today is little man's b-day. We were ready to celebrate. We had a party planned and lots of people were coming. It was joyous to wake up with our Big 1 year old. But there was one thing I didn't expect as the day went on. I began to feel sad. I felt sad that I knew his parents probably wouldn't call or write or send a card. I tried not to get choked up but I really was sad. Even now at 8pm even with little man fast asleep I wish they would call.
I wish they knew we prayed for them every night. That what we really wish is that they would become healthy and that little man could know them. I wish they knew that we loved them too.
My feelings of sadness are mixed with so much gratefulness for the fact that so much of his bio family is in his life. That we have pictures from the day he was born. That his Aunt and I are so close and that we have all become like family. Little man will definitely always know he is loved and by ALOT of people. You should have seen the group picture. Well soon soon I will be able to post it. And it only shows a small portion of all the love he has in his life
Today is black Friday. The day when Americans go out and shop to get the best deals for the things they "need" oh how our priorities are off. When there are children without homes we call the new TV a need? Maybe just maybe if we understood the true meaning of the word need we would be able to see that we are overflowing and we have no lack of need. There are things we may want but not things we need. I am guilty of this too. In fact this year I was guilty of saying "Honey I think we need a flat screen I mean they are so cheap right now." So really what I should have said was "wow flat screens are so cheap it would be nice to get one."
My challenge today as we go into the gift buying frenzy is to remember that there are some children who will receive no gifts and have no family. A child without a place to call home is someone in need not a family without a flat screen.
Today I am Thankful for so month but after Thanksgiving 2011 Thanksgiving will be extra special. It will be the day our family grew. It didn't just grow by one little man though it grew another 2 aunts another grandma another grandpa, uncles, and lots of cousins. The best part is we ate Thanksgiving dinner having no idea, but talking with friends about our dreams of what life would be like when our family grew. You see you always think it will be one way but the LORD always blesses you in ways you never expect. Today I am thankful for family and the fact that family is so much more then blood. Family is love. So open your heart and let some love in :)
