Our children are not our own: Loss and life

For the last almost 3 years our family has walked through a lot of loss and unexpected hard things with friends.  We have always had a heart for adoption but the LORD used this losses to change our idea of what that would look like.  Yesterday I was reminded again why we said we would take a child even if they didn't stay forever.  And that is because our children our not our own they are the LORDS we are just entrusted with their care for a time.

So here is a little window into our past 3 years or so.  My husbands college pastor's 5 year old daughter was diagnosed with a rare form a cancer that wound up taking her life earlier this year.  A dear friend was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer and passed away a few months later. I was with another friend while she labored and her daughter was born into the arms of Jesus. Then this year a dear friend was diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia and she almost passed away more then once. A friend had a referral for and international adoption and before they were able to bring him home he went to be with the LORD.  And then most recently a friends child was given a diagnosis that was devastating about half way through her pregnancy.  He was born on Monday and they had wonderful hour with him before he went to be with the LORD.

Wow I look back at that and think how did all of that happen in such a short amount of time. I guess you might say "aren't you angry with God?"  I'm not mad, I do sometimes ask why, and then I remember this is a fallen world full of sickness and disease.  If the LORD answered me why I probably wouldn't understand.  I just need to trust him and lean on him. I try to remember the verse  "Jesus wept."  Jesus knew he would raise Lazarus from the dead yet he wept.

All of this loss has reminded my heart that my children belong to LORD that my husband belongs to the LORD.  My everything is the LORDS.  I need to savor each moment as if it were my last.  And in the midst of the tears to remember "Death has died and Love has won!"

I am thankful that one day there will be no more tears.  I am thankful that the LORD overcame death.  I am thankful that he grew babies in my tummy.  I am thankful that he placed babies in my home through adoption.  I am thankful he didn't tell me what that journey would have looked like or I might not have stepped out.  He has called us to put one foot in front of the other.  To treat every day as a gift.  And to not be afraid of death.

So today I will love my babies.  I will have parenthood parties on the oncology unit with my sweet friend.  I will care about the important things and not worry about the things that don't matter.  I will let go of religious rules and just love.  I won't try to be super-mom.  I will be vulnerable and real.  Today I will rebuke fear and step out in faith saying yes to wherever the LORD may lead.

I want to add that it is so often true that Joy and sorrow flow mingled down.  almost exactly two years ago our we received our first foster placement a baby boy.  We adopted him on July 26th of this year.  and in March his biological twin siblings were placed with us.  We will adopt them this month.  Friends had babies and many parties and celebrations were had as well.  God is good!  All the time God is good!

Below is a song that spoke to my heart yesterday in the middle of my grief.

I have a new sister!

What in the world does me getting a new sister have anything to do with adoption?!  Well I will tell you.  When we started out on this crazy adventure to adoption we knew our family would grow at some point.  That if we started fostering one of these sweeties would stick around forever.  What we didn't know was all the other family we would gain.

Little Trevor brought a very special Big Sister into my life.  My sister Shellyne.  For the longest time we would answer with long winded answers about who she was to me or who I was to her.  But I have given up on long answers and decided she is just my sister.  You see just like adoption there was no denying it we were bonded to each other quickly and it was clear that it was a forever bond.

The blessings of adoption span so far beyond what we could hope or dream.  I am thankful that all my children have gained more cousins, Aunts, Uncles, and even an extra Grandma.  

Orphan Sunday: James 1:27

James 1:27 "Religion God our Father finds pure and faultless is this:  to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

Our Father in heaven does not want us to sing the right songs, wear the right clothes, be friends with the right people, have our children be perfectly behaved, or a long list of other to-dos.  He wants us to love the least of these (Matthew 25:40).  We get so consumed with looking "good" or "right" that we forget the heart of our father. I think Francis Chan said it best when he said "Adoption is the gospel message".  Our Father in heaven did not create orphans when he created the world.  They are a result of the entrance of sin.  But there is good news there is redemption and God our Father loves to make beauty from ashes (Isaiah 61:1-3).   I know not everyone is called to adoption but I do believe more are called then those who actually respond.  During this month I will lay out ways to help that include adoption and then alternatives if you are unable to do so.  I have one simple challenge on this Orphan Sunday.  Pray a very simple prayer.

"LORD how are you calling me to help orphans in my community and abroad.  Please release me from any fear that has kept me from answering your call on my life."

It's a scary prayer I know.  One day we prayed that prayer and we went from wanting to adopt to saying we would foster and didn't need  a "safe" case.  It's a wild adventure caring for orphans no matter how the LORD is calling you to help.  But it is an awesome adventure.  The LORD is passionate about the fatherless so when we partner with him we become closer to him and that is the best part!

This is the day we brought home our sweet Trevor...he was supposed to stay for about a week.  We adopted him 7/26/2013 :)

It's national Adoption month!

Last year I tried to blog everyday in November about orphans and adoption.  So lets do this again.  Today will be simple since it is already 9:30 and I am exhausted!  I know I only have 5 kids I shouldn't be exhausted.

So lets just start with me being thankful that we finalized our sweet sons adoption on July 26th of this year!!!  Here are some photos of the wonderful day!

When your bubble makes you a pharisee?

We all know those people who only hang out with people just like them.  Everyone believes the same things, thinks the same things, and does the same things.  And above all else only with each other.  Long time friends are set aside unless they want to talk about what you believe, and not to criticize or question it.  Because well...hmmm I guess that's not being real now is it. Well that's the kind of bubble that turns you into a pharisee.  You feast with the insiders while the "outsiders"  aren't welcome unless they want to tell you that you are right or they think they can convince you they are right.  And you can't bother with telling others about the Hope that you have found in Jesus because you only want to hang out with those who have it.  Oh wait I don't think that's what you the Great commission said.

You see the Pharisees were in a bubble too.  If you were Jewish, if your were circumcised, and if you followed all the rules they set out then you were in.  You see we can do this so easily too.  We get so caught up in the rules we forget to see Jesus.  We are so afraid of being tainted by the world we pull ourselves out of it.  We want to be safe.  The problem is Jesus isn't safe and he didn't call us to be safe.  So why are we trying to be safe.  Well if you are safe Satan wins!  Yep I said it if you are safe Satan wins, because he does.  You see the Gospel isn't rules or perfect looking families with children who obey always.  The Gospel is action.  Jesus usually started with an act of love and then followed with words.  And he didn't only love those in his circle he loved everyone the "unclean", the outcast, those who had no hope.  Often times we think our bubbles are just keeping us from being of the world but it actually keeps us from the world.  The same world he called us to love.

When I think about being "safe" as a christian I think about myself, how I used to be that believer stuck in a bubble. I'm still trying to make sure that I don't find myself there again. This false idea of safe brings to my mind the words in this song:

You have called me Higher-All Sons and daughters

I could Just sit

I could Just sit and wait for all your goodness

Hope to feel your prescence

I could just stay

I could just stay right where I am and hope to feel you

Hope to feel something again

And I could hold on

I could hold on to who I am and never let you change me from the inside

And I could be safe

I could be safe here in your arms and never leave home

Never let these walls down.

But you have called me higher

You have called me deeper

And I will go where you will lead me LORD

Be brave.  Be radical.  Love Jesus.  Love all people.  Teach your children to love like Jesus did.  If it means you don't cook dinner one night a week so you can go help others that is okay. It's okay because it teaches your children; it teaches them by example.  So go into the world and let the LORD grow you and change you.  Because in the end when we bless others we always end up being the one who is blessed more.

Matthew 28:18-20

20 months later

20 months to the day we brought our sweet Trevor home from the hospital we finalized his adoption.  On Friday July 26th we promised to love Trevor as our own.  In some ways it seemed so silly since we already loved him as our own since the day we met him.  But in other ways it was so powerful to promise in front of family and friends to love him forever and sign papers that made him legal our son.

It was another picture of God's redemptive plan for his people through Jesus.  We are adopted into Gods family and loved us as his own.  But then there is this huge powerful moment where the depth and the power of what that means is revealed through the holy spirit.  It is a moment that changes you forever and that is what our day before the judge was, a day that changed us forever.

Ephesians 1:5 "God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ.  This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure."

Sorrow and Joy

So blogging has been put on the back burner due to the addition of twins to our household.  Just a little busy with 3 under 2???  Busy and full of blessings!

Well right now our house is full of sorrow and Joy I think I am truly learning what that means.  We are overjoyed with the addition of the twins and the upcoming adoption finalization of our little man.  And yet at the same time I am burdened with sorrow as my dear friend has been diagnosed with Leukemia.  The feelings I have experienced have surprised me in many ways as I just recently watched one of my husbands mentors loose his daughter to Cancer.  She was young sweet and innocent.  We were devastated when she passed away.  There are some things Kate Merrick wrote that now hit me harder.  You see as much as I have seen cancer I have not SEEN cancer.  It is something I wish no one would ever have to witness.  There is something about seeing someone you love in pain.  When you see them weak and weary.  It is heart breaking.

In all of this I know I have two choices.  I can become bitter and full of hatred and anger, or I can fix my eyes on the promise of Jesus.  I choose the later.  I could ask why or I could ask the LORD to come and be in the midst of this.  I choose to ask Him to come.  I know her cancer is treatable and I do not know how this will all end, but I do know I serve a God that is bigger then her cancer.  I also know that I serve a God that loves her more then I could ever love her.

So I press on with my friend in this battle and at them same time enjoy the blessing we are experiencing in life and they feel so much more joyous!  And I share those joys with her because in the midst of her pain I know the LORD intends to bless her in ways she could never imagine.


Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

Romans 8:18 "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us."

Joshua 1:9 " Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you where ever you go."

When I hear this song I feel I am both the beginning of this song at the same time and yet the theme is the same "I will bring Praise!"