What's your part?

   Last night I posted a blog post about how the church can inadvertently play into the sexual abuse narrative.  You can find that post here preparing-our-girls-to-be-abused-when.html .  What was said in this article has been swirling in my head for a good decade.  How do the words we use as the church and a society as a whole play right into the agenda of abusers?

   As parents to 3 beautiful daughters and 2 handsome boys Dustin and I decided we should really talk about how we will talk to our girls about modesty and their bodies.  Because how we approach it will not only effect them but it will effect our boys as well.

   Let's start with what we often hear in the church "Don't dress that way you don't want to make boys stumble."  Now I don't want my girls running around with their breasts hanging out and their butt barely covered, but I also don't ever want them to think that if someone assaults them it is their fault.  Women are sexually assaulted in parkas and short skirts at the same rate.  In fact most sexual assault are perpetrated by someone the woman already knows.  It wasn't the clothes she wore, or the party she went to.  What I can tell you is that's exactly what her abuser told her was the reason he had to assault her.  "you're too pretty"  you're too sexy"  "why did you wear that dress it made me want you.  You can't just leave me like this that would be teasing me."
   
   As a family we have decided to be more concerned with our daughters hearts.  To raise them to know that they are beautiful inside and out.  That their outward beauty is a reflection of their heart.  Because if we raise young ladies and young men to be concerned about their character the rest will follow.  If we raise them to view themselves as beloved sons and daughters of the LORD they will know where their worth lies.  And if they know where their worth lies they will treat others with the same respect, love, and dignity.

Now I would like to change our focus and look at our society at large.  This isn't just happening in the church it is happening everywhere.  I remember hearing some of the defense arguments recently for a rape case at a boarding school.  They said things like "well she sent him sexy messages" or "she texted and said she wanted to have sex the other day".  That reminds me of an awesome video about consent that can be seen here :

   Now on the subject of consent I would like to talk about how the world of women's health is also playing a role in the narrative of consent.  I was a practicing doula for about 5 years and now I am an inactive doula who is still involved in the world of birth.  There was something I began to notice time and time again at births.  The doctor or nurse would come in and say I am going to check you now.  Now if you don't know what "checking" someone is it is a cervical dilation check.  In other words they stick their hand inside of you to see if your cervix is dilated.  While well intentioned we just provided further training to accept physical touch without being asked for permission. When we know that a conservative estimate puts us at 1 in 4 women being sexually assaulted it is insane that we don't ask women may I check you and wait for a response.  

   I hope the picture is becoming clear that our society as a whole has been unknowingly supporting abusers narratives and demeaning women.  As the Church representing Christ we should be leading the way in changing this narrative and changing the way we speak to and about women.

Let's make a conscious effort to not feed the lies of the enemy and to speak truth into this world through our words and our actions.

Closing out 2015: The year of change

    The end of 2015 marks the end of our first year in Santa Barbara. We left the town where we had spent 9 years of our marriage.  The town where all 5 of our children were born.  We faced great heart aches and some of our biggest Joys.  We packed everything up and pulled away with tears streaming down our face to the place where we believed the LORD was calling us.Just like all change it was hard and yet it was good.
   
     One change that happened when we moved was that we stopped homeschooling and enrolled the girls in public school.  This was a huge change that we were so unsure if we were makeing the right decision but after lots of prayer we felt like it was the right call.  And the LORD is faithful as the girls have been stretched and grown in a big public school full of amazing teachers and administrators.  I also learned not to put the LORD into a box he calls us all to do different things at different times.  School had become a religous idol and I needed to let it go.  Infact I learned to let go of a lot of things this year.  Freedom is a beautiful thing!

Here are some mini updates on what everyone has been up to this last year.

     Ellie is now in 4th grade and learning so much, including violin at school! She is also doing chourus, musical theatere, art, and sailing.  So many of her activities take place at school either during school hours or directly after school which is such a blessing.  She is growing into a strong sweet girl who is always wanting to learn more about the LORD and caring for others.  Her sweet sensitive heart blesses me always.

     Madyson is in 1st grade and she absolutley loves school.  Madyson is doing art, piano, and ballet.  She is loving ballet especially and just moved up a level.  Madyson has vibrant spirit and loves to learn how and why things work.  She also is always wanting to learn more about the LORD and was blessed with a bible of her own this summer that she loves to take to church with her.  Her adventerous spirit that sees no limits to what can be done reminds me to never stop dreaming.

    Our sweet Trevor is 4 and really is a big boy now.  He attends preschool 3 days a week and though he still talks about his friends and teachers in Santa Cruz he really loves his new school.  Its hard to believe that in 9 short months he will be at school with the girls in transitional kindergarten!  He is full of energy and a cuddle bug all at the same time and I wouldn't have it any other way!

 
       Our little Luke is 2 years old and growing up so fast. Luke has enjoyed having a preschool routine this year and enjoys his friends and teachers there.  He has the sweetest most gentle spirit and I love to watch him blossom and grow.

   
       Ava bean as she is affectionatly called is also 2.  She has a personality that wins over the masses.  Her Sunday school teachers comment on the fact that she makes jokes and she knows she is funny.  Ava is also enjoying preschool and has taken up ballet with her big sister.  She is a sweet and sensitive spitfire who will likely take over the world when she grows up.

   

Dustin's job changed of course as well as mine.  And though there are always challenges to new jobs we have both settled in well and are enjoying the ways our jobs are stretching and growing us. As hard as our move has been with adjustments and finding our way here God is faithful and He has been with us every step of the way. He has quietly whispered I have you right where I want you, just put one foot in front of the other.

I have grown in so many ways over the last year.  The LORD has brought healing to wounds I didn't even know I had.  I feel so much more confident in my faith and grounded in His love.  I am looking forward to 2016 and all the ways we will see the LORD move and how our children will grow.

Phone Call

4 years ago Thanksgiving week took on a new meaning for our family.  Om November 25th 2011 the phone rang and a sweet social worker asked me if we would be willing to take a newborn baby boy for a week.  I said yes and agreed to meet her at the hospital a few hours later.  After arriving at the hospital I quickly learned this would not be  a week long engagement.  Though as foster care always is it was unknown how long this sweet boy would actually stay.  Needless to say our sweet Trevor changed our lives forever.

I am so thankful for my sweet boy and so thankful for an unknown journey that led me to a place of having a deeper relationship with my heavenly Father. When I was handed this sweet baby boy as I sat in a rocking chair and I looked into his eyes and promised to love him I had no idea how many other amazing people and life lessons were coming with him.  He is my blue eyed curly headed boy.  With tons of energy and yet almost half the day today he cuddled on my lap just because.  Oh what would my life be without him...I am so thankful I will never know.  

New Adventure

We have spent the past 9 years of our almost 10 year marriage in Santa Cruz, Ca and in a couple of weeks we will be saying goodbye.  I haven't processed my feelings about this as it has all seemed to happen so quickly.

When we moved to Santa Cruz I was 22 and 8 weeks pregnant with our first child.  It was wild and such a leap of faith.  I remember crying as we drove away from our first apartment after all the hurdles we had leaped to move.  But as we started up the Uhaul the song "I will walk by faith" came on and we held hands and sang with all our heart.  "I will walk by faith even when I can not see."

We couldn't see that all 5 of our children would be born in the same hospital.  2 would grow in my belly and 3 would grow in our hearts.  We have made life long friends.  The LORD has stretched us and grown us in ways we would have never expected.  We have experienced life come into this world and life leave this world.  We have cried we have rejoiced.  We have stood up for what was right even when we were standing alone.  But most importantly we have grown together as we have continued to make Christ the center of our lives and our marriage.

This new journey will come with struggles, like packing up and moving 5 kids.  It will also be filled with blessings and new lessons.

 This verse seemed so fitting for the day that we announce our big move.

So farewell Santa Cruz and hello Santa Barbara!

Skeletons in the closet: A post Halloween post on the reality of human trafficking

Everyday the headlines are full of all sorts of atrocities.  But there is one headline you will rarely ever see.  One headline no one wants to read about.  "Slavery is alive and well in America"  In america there are approximately 300,000-400,000 children commercially sexually exploited.  That number brings me to my knees.

This is national adoption month, and you may be asking yourself why in the world I am talking about sex trafficking during a month dedicated to celebrating adoption.  Well here is your answer in the form of another statistic; 98% of children who are identified as survivors of sex trafficking had previous involvement with child welfare services.

Have you ever thought about what happens to the children who aren't adopted that are in our child welfare system?  Did you know that 5 is considered old when speaking of foster children?


As followers of Christ we are called to defend the cause of the orphan.  Not everyone is called to adopt but we are all called to do something.  And knowing that if 1 family in every 3 churches adopted we would have no more children waiting in America, I think its fair to say we aren't answering the call.

This video may be hard to watch but we have been ignoring this reality for far to long.

Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow. Isaiah 1:17

Why new? :Providing for foster youth and why new is so important.

  Some people might think I am being a little extreme when I say we should really try to fulfill foster youths needs with new things.  Well I will do my best to explain why this could make all the difference for these young men and women.

   So to start I would like you to imagine a 6 year old little girl.  She has two younger siblings, they are 3 and 1.  She goes to school everyday and is in the first grade.  She loves playing with dolls and all things sparkly.  Her clothes are tattered and they smell of smoke and must.  When she gets home from school her "chores" await her.  She changes diapers, gets bottles, prepares dinner, and tries to clean up the house.  This is all while her parents are so loaded they have no idea what is going on and when they happen to be more aware they are usually fighting.

  One night things get out of control, the neighbors call law enforcement who arrive with a social worker in tow.  The social worker takes the children to the office and starts making phone calls to find a foster home.  They find a home for the 1 and 3 year old but they can't take the 6 year old too.  The children are separated.  You see in the world of foster care 6 is old.

  So fast forward a few years.  The biological parents are unable to reunify with their children, the 1 and 3 year old siblings have been adopted together, but the sweet 6 year old is now 8 and has lived in 4 different homes.  With every move she sinks deeper into herself.  She wonders why no one loves her.  Is she unlovable?  She starts to try to cause the rejection in new homes.  Almost like trying to rip the band aid off hoping it won't hurt so badly the next time someone gives up on her.

   So there you have it an 8 year old little girl who feels as though no one will ever love and that all she is worth is second best.  At this point she will likely continue to bounce from home to home.  Growing up in foster care never feeling like she has a place to call home.

  What would it mean to this sweet girl if someone came into her life and handed her something new.  A pair of pants she looked at but felt she wasn't worth.  Those beautiful boots.  Or that trendy jacket.  What if we treated her as we did our own children instead of cleaning out our closets of unwanted out of date clothing we got her something new.  Something she desired.

  That right there is why I believe it is so important to buy foster youth new things.  Things they desire no matter how silly we may think it seems.  Many of these children have never been given something new their whole life.  So when you hear a 16 year old girl in foster care is asking for Doc Martins don't brush it off and say she should be happy with whatever she gets.  Think about the sweet girl who has been rejected so many times that she feels unlovable.

If you think I am being extreme please ask me and I will share personal stories where I know that the simple act of something new made a difference for a child.

In remembrance of my sweet friend Lisa

Today we celebrated the life of our sweet friend Lisa Showalter.  So many sweet words and memories were shared about her.  She was and is greatly loved.  Below is what I shared at her service today.

First I want to say that I am honored to be standing here today sharing about Lisa.  Lisa’s parent asked me to share about our tradition of watching call the midwife.  I know you are all surprised she would love this show.  Our call the midwife nights consisted of chocolate, giggles, my twins, and birth talk.  Sometimes there were tears and hugs about hard things to. This had become our weekly get together, we always knew in the busyness of life we could count on call the midwife night to be together.  One of the sweet and funny stories that stood out from those nights was the night that Lisa tried to convince Rebecca, Melinda, and I that she had a big butt.  I’m not even sure how it came up, I just remember her strutting across the living room saying “see! Don’t you see how big it is.” 

As I reflect on my bond with Lisa on who she was and is in my life I have acknowledge that our relationship was so much more then these nights.  We have an eternal bond.  Lisa and I are sisters in Christ.  I didn’t say goodbye to her the night before she passed.  I said I love you I will see you later.

One of Lisa’s gifts is being a wonderful encourager.  On March 25^th of this year Lisa wrote me a note that said “You are a great mom Anastasia.  I hope you see that.  And a great friend.  I hope you see that too.”

Lisa truly held the gift of encouragement and she always made me smile.  As I think of what would Lisa want all of you to know…I think it would be something like this.  I am not dead!  My body is gone but my spirit live on.  I am with my LORD and Savior.  It is beautiful here.  He held me through all of this, he loved me through all of this.  I am healed and I am whole.  Please don’t miss you everyday blessings and his still small voice whispering I love you.

This is the last picture I have with Lisa and Ava.

Romans 8:38-39