Saturday, September 29, 2012
When I'm with you
I love the songs JJ Heller wrote after the birth of her children. "When I'm with you" is one of my favorites. "I could never count all the ways that you changed me baby." All 3 of our children have taught us different things. And with each addition our hearts have grown. There isn't too much to this post except I love my 3 littles!
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
10 months
10 months ago we received a phone call that would change our lives and grow our family. 10 months ago they asked us to pick up little man. We didn't know if he would stay forever or just for a little while. What we did know was that we loved him instantly. He was one day old plopped into my arms by the nurse. I looked him over just like when the girls were placed in my arms, studying every detail of his face. I knew I needed to leave to get things ready for him but I didn't want to. Not one bit I just wanted to stay and hold him all night. I left though and went home to prepare for him.
That day there was only one thing I knew I loved him. I didn't know how long he would stay or how he wouldn't be the only way our family grew that day. The weeks to come it became clear I family hadn't grown by one it had grown by 10+.
At church on Sunday the sermon was about how the LORD leaves you bread crumbs but you don't see the the whole picture as he is leading you. This is so true of our story with little man. He is a blessing beyond any other and the happiest little boy I know. Thank you LORD for bringing so many blessings through our little man.
That day there was only one thing I knew I loved him. I didn't know how long he would stay or how he wouldn't be the only way our family grew that day. The weeks to come it became clear I family hadn't grown by one it had grown by 10+.
At church on Sunday the sermon was about how the LORD leaves you bread crumbs but you don't see the the whole picture as he is leading you. This is so true of our story with little man. He is a blessing beyond any other and the happiest little boy I know. Thank you LORD for bringing so many blessings through our little man.
Monday, September 24, 2012
My comments
Just for the record below are the comments that were never approved:
On, "some recently finished projects":
I am so glad you have an OB that you trust but the reality is many women don’t have that choice. For example there are a few good OB’s here but if you get their on call you could get the worst OB you have ever met in your life. I have personal experience with the OB’s in our town and there is a wide range. You could do research to days end pick an amazing OB and on the day your baby comes you get the worst. I agree be thankful the LORD gave them to you even if you didn’t pick them. On that same note he may have given them to you so you can stand up for what’s right. I think that is what is lacking here. Be thankful in everything yes but that doesn’t mean we don’t stand up for what is right. When speaking about birth remember not everyone has wonderful OB’s they can trust with everything and that OB’s are still human. I had one definitely unnecessary induction and c-section that I am grateful for because it forced me to research more about birth and the LORD led me into relationships where hopeful real change can happen.
On "Natural but Cursed":
I think you need to tread lightly and make sure you are not putting your faith in medical advancement. I just recently had the director of maternal health at our local hospital (which houses a level 3 NICU) tell me that she has seen external monitoring cause more harm then good. She said “a baby in trouble will always tell you but a happy baby can trick you on a monitor”. I keep hearing I am so happy I live in this country to give birth but this country ranks 49th in maternal mortality. It is because of the medical interventions. I am saying this as a mother who has had 2 c-sections. I am thankful for c-sections and other medical interventions when they are needed. But the reality is they are over used. Standing up and educating people about this is not putting it before Christ. It is important that we stand up for truth. So as a Christ follower my only goal in speaking about childbirth is educating women about the truth.
On, "some recently finished projects":
I am so glad you have an OB that you trust but the reality is many women don’t have that choice. For example there are a few good OB’s here but if you get their on call you could get the worst OB you have ever met in your life. I have personal experience with the OB’s in our town and there is a wide range. You could do research to days end pick an amazing OB and on the day your baby comes you get the worst. I agree be thankful the LORD gave them to you even if you didn’t pick them. On that same note he may have given them to you so you can stand up for what’s right. I think that is what is lacking here. Be thankful in everything yes but that doesn’t mean we don’t stand up for what is right. When speaking about birth remember not everyone has wonderful OB’s they can trust with everything and that OB’s are still human. I had one definitely unnecessary induction and c-section that I am grateful for because it forced me to research more about birth and the LORD led me into relationships where hopeful real change can happen.
On "Natural but Cursed":
I think you need to tread lightly and make sure you are not putting your faith in medical advancement. I just recently had the director of maternal health at our local hospital (which houses a level 3 NICU) tell me that she has seen external monitoring cause more harm then good. She said “a baby in trouble will always tell you but a happy baby can trick you on a monitor”. I keep hearing I am so happy I live in this country to give birth but this country ranks 49th in maternal mortality. It is because of the medical interventions. I am saying this as a mother who has had 2 c-sections. I am thankful for c-sections and other medical interventions when they are needed. But the reality is they are over used. Standing up and educating people about this is not putting it before Christ. It is important that we stand up for truth. So as a Christ follower my only goal in speaking about childbirth is educating women about the truth.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
I am that "Fussy" girl
Dear Femina Girls,
Lately you have posted about birth a lot. In return someone from Christianity Today wrote a blog post responding to your posts. I commented on a couple of the posts but my comments were never approved. You see I am that girl that "Fusses" over births. I am a woman that loves the LORD and I have a birth plan. I encourage others to have one too. I encourage people to research birth, interventions, and to question their care provider.
Lets go back a little less then 100 years to the 1920's. If you lived on a farm you had a home birth and if you lived in a city with a hospital well....then your birth was something no one would stand for today. Women were sedated, strapped down to a bed, and there child was pulled out with forceps after an episiotomy. This happened to every single woman. Or how about the 1950's when all the babies were sent to the nursery and women were told that formula was better then breast milk in all situations. Things changed because women "fussed" and said that they deserved better.
So maybe you are saying "but it's 2012. Babies room in. Mothers have choices. None of these things are true today." You are right, we have choices to a certain point. Some doctors put on a happy face, answer your questions while saying things like "Of course, as long as things are going well we do all of those things." And then a woman gets into her 3rd trimester and things start to change. Not because health issues have come up, but because doctors tend to say how they really feel about birth in this trimester. For example there is a doctor who practices in the town just over from ours. He is known for telling women in their third trimester "Oh by the way I only perform C-sections I don't do vaginal births." First of all this is illegal. So why hasn't he been turned in? We live in a culture where OB's aren't questioned. Can you imagine how you would feel as a first time mother in your third trimester and this is what you were told? Or what if you were a woman in labor and this happens to be the on call Doctor that walks in while you are in labor? Is that a good reason to "fuss"?
Let me bring you around to my story though. When I found out I was pregnant in late 2005 we were so excited and immediately began reading books and articles on birth. I have always loved children and was pregnant at the same time as a good friend who was planning her second home birth. We liked the idea of a home birth but couldn't quite get our heads wrapped around it. We decided on a hospital midwife. We loved her, she was so sweet and took time with us to answer our 500 questions. I read more. We decided we wanted to avoid interventions and pain medication. We took birth class and I walked a lot. Towards the end of my pregnancy (I'm talking 35 weeks) my midwife went on medical leave. I wasn't as in love with the other midwife but she was still super sweet. We wrote a birth plan and started it by thanking the staff at the hospital. We also left room for change in our plan and just asked that anything that was not an emergency was discussed with us and that we were given time to talk about it. Then week 36 came. I went in for a normal appointment and had to see one of the OB's due to the fact that the midwife couldn't see me that morning. That was fine, I just had to get over my fear of a male OB.
That night was HOT in our upstairs apartment as I finished checking e-mail I felt a gush of liquid, and thought oh dear the baby made me pee. But then I looked down to see bright red blood. My husband and I, the two scared first time parents grabbed a few things and went straight to the hospital. The nurse that greeted us was sweet and tried to assure me that sometimes you bleed a little and that was ok, but I knew this was more then a little blood. She affirmed what I thought when we went into the bathroom together. The OB came in and it was the kind male OB I had seen that morning. He was calm and reassuring, helping calm our first time parent nerves. He said "Well that is more blood then I would like to see, but the baby looks great! Why don't you two go to sleep and we will check on you in the morning." When we woke up in the morning and we expected to see the same OB, but no we got the on call for that day. She was frantic. There was nothing calm about her. I had stopped bleeding and the baby was still doing well but the OB was not calm at all. She ordered an ultrasound and then after it was done came in and informed us we would be inducing. No explanation for why. My feisty self asked "umm why?" She said "she was afraid my placenta was coming of the wall of my uterus and if we didn't do that my baby could die." There it is the "your baby could die" card. As first time parents we of course consented. Off we went IV's cervidil, pitocin, antibiotics, and constant monitoring. So far most of our birth plan was thrown out but I was still smiling bouncing on the birth ball next to my bed.
My first birth ended in a c-section after 36 hours of labor. It was a traumatic c-section as my little ones head was nicked by the scalpel. Yet I was still so in love with my little girl! We couldn't get enough of her, she was an amazing gift from the LORD! I was thankful she was here and we were all healthy.
Ok so now you are thinking, sounds like you needed to be induced, sounds like you needed a c-section. Well guess what, fast forward a year, I asked around for VBAC (vaginal birth after C-section) friendly doctors. I choose one and I go in for a check up. I am told concerning my last birth "well I'm not so sure you needed to be induced. I think the most conservative thing I would have done was put you on bed rest in the hospital." This was my moment where I realized not all doctors think a like. You see many doctors don't practices evidence based care. Here were a couple risks of my induction that I was not informed about, an increased chance of uterine rupture (higher then a VBAC) and a 65% higher chance of a c-section.
Being grateful can be done while demanding change. You see many OB's become oppressors of the women in their care. They do not give them choices. I have heard time and time again OB's say "well your baby could die" but don't explain that these interventions come with a risk of death as well. When was the last time you heard an OB say "if we induce you I need you to know that your chance of a c-section is raised by 65% and that your chance of uterine rupture is higher then that of a woman having a VBAC?"
Ok so now maybe you are thinking what do tubs and candles have to do with any of this? Well birth is a psychological event as well as a physical event. You see they have done studies that show when the birthing room is calm and peaceful women progress faster and have better outcomes. Birth is obviously a very private thing even though we don't treat it that way. Think about this, when the nurse or ob/midwife comes in they often say this "I am going to check you now." and boom their hand is in the most private place on your body. Why is it that we accept that? They didn't ask before they touched you. And have you ever said no? I have had clients say they didn't want to be checked and even some of my favorite nurses and OB's were shocked by the objection to the point that they didn't know what to say. You see it has become accepted as the norm, but there is no medical reason to check unless you are afraid for the baby and need to see if you can push. Other wise you are just pushing germs up and touching people in a very private place. This can prolong labor and cause infection. Yet because it has become culturally accepted even in our best hospitals it still happens every day to every woman who walks in the door. And we accept it. This is just one example of how environment effects labor and birth.
I could go on and on with statistics and research to show you that all this " fuss" is important. But I will stop here and just ask you to consider that maybe all this "fussing" is for a reason. Maybe we have what we have today because people "fussed." Pain meds or no pain meds. Hospital birth or Home birth. Bathtub or shower. OB or Midwife. Every woman everywhere deserves to have choices, clear choices. Honest choices. Evidence based care. Respect.
Please don't judge my fussing. My fussing is not about me it is about women everywhere. The fussing of women in the last 100 years has brought birth back to a family centered moment. We have brought babies out of nurseries. Mothers are awake and aware when they birth their babies and their care provider catches their baby. My grandmother was one who said "no my baby will be in the room with me" in 1959. And because of that her baby (my aunt) was the only baby born that week that didn't catch meningitis. I am thankful my grandma fussed.
I am a fusser who is grateful for my induction and c-sections because they pushed me to figure out the truth about maternal care in America, because birth matters for mothers and babies. Birth matters for my two girls who will one day give birth. I want it to be better for them!
If you would like to read the links to the blog post I am responding to below are the links in chronological order:
http://www.feminagirls.com/2012/06/30/mom-zilla/
http://www.feminagirls.com/2012/07/03/hold-it-loosely/
http://www.feminagirls.com/2012/07/06/natural-and-cursed/
http://www.feminagirls.com/2012/09/06/some-recently-finished-projects/
And the Christianity Today blog post:
http://blog.christianitytoday.com/women/2012/09/are-pregnant-women-who-have-bi.html
Lately you have posted about birth a lot. In return someone from Christianity Today wrote a blog post responding to your posts. I commented on a couple of the posts but my comments were never approved. You see I am that girl that "Fusses" over births. I am a woman that loves the LORD and I have a birth plan. I encourage others to have one too. I encourage people to research birth, interventions, and to question their care provider.
Lets go back a little less then 100 years to the 1920's. If you lived on a farm you had a home birth and if you lived in a city with a hospital well....then your birth was something no one would stand for today. Women were sedated, strapped down to a bed, and there child was pulled out with forceps after an episiotomy. This happened to every single woman. Or how about the 1950's when all the babies were sent to the nursery and women were told that formula was better then breast milk in all situations. Things changed because women "fussed" and said that they deserved better.
So maybe you are saying "but it's 2012. Babies room in. Mothers have choices. None of these things are true today." You are right, we have choices to a certain point. Some doctors put on a happy face, answer your questions while saying things like "Of course, as long as things are going well we do all of those things." And then a woman gets into her 3rd trimester and things start to change. Not because health issues have come up, but because doctors tend to say how they really feel about birth in this trimester. For example there is a doctor who practices in the town just over from ours. He is known for telling women in their third trimester "Oh by the way I only perform C-sections I don't do vaginal births." First of all this is illegal. So why hasn't he been turned in? We live in a culture where OB's aren't questioned. Can you imagine how you would feel as a first time mother in your third trimester and this is what you were told? Or what if you were a woman in labor and this happens to be the on call Doctor that walks in while you are in labor? Is that a good reason to "fuss"?
Let me bring you around to my story though. When I found out I was pregnant in late 2005 we were so excited and immediately began reading books and articles on birth. I have always loved children and was pregnant at the same time as a good friend who was planning her second home birth. We liked the idea of a home birth but couldn't quite get our heads wrapped around it. We decided on a hospital midwife. We loved her, she was so sweet and took time with us to answer our 500 questions. I read more. We decided we wanted to avoid interventions and pain medication. We took birth class and I walked a lot. Towards the end of my pregnancy (I'm talking 35 weeks) my midwife went on medical leave. I wasn't as in love with the other midwife but she was still super sweet. We wrote a birth plan and started it by thanking the staff at the hospital. We also left room for change in our plan and just asked that anything that was not an emergency was discussed with us and that we were given time to talk about it. Then week 36 came. I went in for a normal appointment and had to see one of the OB's due to the fact that the midwife couldn't see me that morning. That was fine, I just had to get over my fear of a male OB.
That night was HOT in our upstairs apartment as I finished checking e-mail I felt a gush of liquid, and thought oh dear the baby made me pee. But then I looked down to see bright red blood. My husband and I, the two scared first time parents grabbed a few things and went straight to the hospital. The nurse that greeted us was sweet and tried to assure me that sometimes you bleed a little and that was ok, but I knew this was more then a little blood. She affirmed what I thought when we went into the bathroom together. The OB came in and it was the kind male OB I had seen that morning. He was calm and reassuring, helping calm our first time parent nerves. He said "Well that is more blood then I would like to see, but the baby looks great! Why don't you two go to sleep and we will check on you in the morning." When we woke up in the morning and we expected to see the same OB, but no we got the on call for that day. She was frantic. There was nothing calm about her. I had stopped bleeding and the baby was still doing well but the OB was not calm at all. She ordered an ultrasound and then after it was done came in and informed us we would be inducing. No explanation for why. My feisty self asked "umm why?" She said "she was afraid my placenta was coming of the wall of my uterus and if we didn't do that my baby could die." There it is the "your baby could die" card. As first time parents we of course consented. Off we went IV's cervidil, pitocin, antibiotics, and constant monitoring. So far most of our birth plan was thrown out but I was still smiling bouncing on the birth ball next to my bed.
My first birth ended in a c-section after 36 hours of labor. It was a traumatic c-section as my little ones head was nicked by the scalpel. Yet I was still so in love with my little girl! We couldn't get enough of her, she was an amazing gift from the LORD! I was thankful she was here and we were all healthy.
Ok so now you are thinking, sounds like you needed to be induced, sounds like you needed a c-section. Well guess what, fast forward a year, I asked around for VBAC (vaginal birth after C-section) friendly doctors. I choose one and I go in for a check up. I am told concerning my last birth "well I'm not so sure you needed to be induced. I think the most conservative thing I would have done was put you on bed rest in the hospital." This was my moment where I realized not all doctors think a like. You see many doctors don't practices evidence based care. Here were a couple risks of my induction that I was not informed about, an increased chance of uterine rupture (higher then a VBAC) and a 65% higher chance of a c-section.
Being grateful can be done while demanding change. You see many OB's become oppressors of the women in their care. They do not give them choices. I have heard time and time again OB's say "well your baby could die" but don't explain that these interventions come with a risk of death as well. When was the last time you heard an OB say "if we induce you I need you to know that your chance of a c-section is raised by 65% and that your chance of uterine rupture is higher then that of a woman having a VBAC?"
Ok so now maybe you are thinking what do tubs and candles have to do with any of this? Well birth is a psychological event as well as a physical event. You see they have done studies that show when the birthing room is calm and peaceful women progress faster and have better outcomes. Birth is obviously a very private thing even though we don't treat it that way. Think about this, when the nurse or ob/midwife comes in they often say this "I am going to check you now." and boom their hand is in the most private place on your body. Why is it that we accept that? They didn't ask before they touched you. And have you ever said no? I have had clients say they didn't want to be checked and even some of my favorite nurses and OB's were shocked by the objection to the point that they didn't know what to say. You see it has become accepted as the norm, but there is no medical reason to check unless you are afraid for the baby and need to see if you can push. Other wise you are just pushing germs up and touching people in a very private place. This can prolong labor and cause infection. Yet because it has become culturally accepted even in our best hospitals it still happens every day to every woman who walks in the door. And we accept it. This is just one example of how environment effects labor and birth.
I could go on and on with statistics and research to show you that all this " fuss" is important. But I will stop here and just ask you to consider that maybe all this "fussing" is for a reason. Maybe we have what we have today because people "fussed." Pain meds or no pain meds. Hospital birth or Home birth. Bathtub or shower. OB or Midwife. Every woman everywhere deserves to have choices, clear choices. Honest choices. Evidence based care. Respect.
Please don't judge my fussing. My fussing is not about me it is about women everywhere. The fussing of women in the last 100 years has brought birth back to a family centered moment. We have brought babies out of nurseries. Mothers are awake and aware when they birth their babies and their care provider catches their baby. My grandmother was one who said "no my baby will be in the room with me" in 1959. And because of that her baby (my aunt) was the only baby born that week that didn't catch meningitis. I am thankful my grandma fussed.
If you would like to read the links to the blog post I am responding to below are the links in chronological order:
http://www.feminagirls.com/2012/06/30/mom-zilla/
http://www.feminagirls.com/2012/07/03/hold-it-loosely/
http://www.feminagirls.com/2012/07/06/natural-and-cursed/
http://www.feminagirls.com/2012/09/06/some-recently-finished-projects/
And the Christianity Today blog post:
http://blog.christianitytoday.com/women/2012/09/are-pregnant-women-who-have-bi.html
Monday, April 30, 2012
BOB giveaway
Yes please I would love to get a double BOB!
http://anationofmoms.com/2012/04/bob-strollers-the-only-strollers-youll-ever-need-giveaway.html
http://anationofmoms.com/2012/04/bob-strollers-the-only-strollers-youll-ever-need-giveaway.html
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Invisible Orphans
When we think of orphans we often think of babies. Sometimes we think of the 6, 7, 8, 9 year old. And then even more rarely we think of the teenager who is left with no one to take care of them, bouncing around foster homes, or maybe even living in a group home. But how often do you think about the 18 year old who aged out of the foster-care system and is now thrown into the world to be an "adult". These are the invisible orphans who often have no one stable in their life let alone a family. Here are few statistics to show you the impact this is having on our society.
The number of orphans:
On any given day more than 500,000 youth are in some form of foster care cross
the United States. Nearly 80,000 live in California.
Nationally, each year an estimated 20,000 of these youth emancipate or “age out” of
the foster care system, and are discharged from the system, whether or not they
are prepared to transition to adulthood. About 25% of these youth live in California
(In 2005, 4,249 youth emancipated from California’s foster care system).
What happens to the orphans:
Within 18 months of emancipation 40-50% of foster youth become homeless
Nationally, 27% of the homeless population spent time in foster care.
A history of foster care correlates with becoming homeless at an earlier age and
remaining homeless for a longer period of time.
65% of youth leaving foster care need immediate housing upon release.
70% of teens who emancipate from foster care report that they want to attend
college, but less than 50% complete their high school graduation and fewer than
10% of who graduate from high school enroll and college, and of those less than 1%
graduate from college.
50% of emancipated foster youth experience high rates of unemployment within 5
years of emancipation.
Forty-two percent (42%) of foster youth, including 60% of women, become parents
within 2.5-4 years after exiting care.
Parents with a history of foster care are almost twice as likely to see their own
children placed in foster care or become homeless than parents without this
history.
Females in foster care are six times more likely than the general population to give
birth before age 21.
25% of former foster youth will be incarcerated within the first 2 years of
emancipation.
I know that's a lot to take in but that is just the tip of the iceberg. So what do we do with this information? We decide to make a difference even if it is in a small way. The best part is when we are faithful to love God is faithful to do big things. Things that are bigger then we ever thought possible. ReGenisis rising in Orange County is a perfect example of this. For an example of what God can do with a few faithful people all you have to do is take a trip on over to their website.
Now wouldn't it be cool if we had a ReGenisis in every town?
Friday, March 16, 2012
Who I am
The song "Remind Me Who I am" by Jason Gray has really been speaking to my heart over the last month. If you haven't heard it yet maybe I can inspire you to take a listen.
When I loose my way
And I forget my name
Remind me who I am
In the mirror all I see
Is who I don't want to be
Remind me who I am
In the loneliest places
When I can't remember what grace is
Sometimes I think our biggest pitfall is that we let our sin shame us. The problem with shame is that it just leads to more sinning. Shame leaves us feeling unworthy of the love and freedom that has been given to us through Jesus. It doesn't matter how big or little we perceive our sin to be. Whether it is before we accept Christ or after. He died for all of it. We need to walk in forgiveness and freedom.
This is something I still struggle with. I have fallen down a lot while walking with the LORD and at times I have been crawling on the ground. I repented of these things and have reconciled with those I sinned against but I held on to shame. A couple weeks ago I had a light bulb moment Jesus didn't come to shame me in my sin, He came to free me from it! I hadn't realized how much shame I had been carrying with me. It was time to be free! These were sins that no one knew about, even from the girl who shares her story on a regular basis. I couldn't say those things though. What would they think? Well guess what.... it doesn't matter. Jesus covered all of it!!!
Get up and live in Freedom! That's what Jesus died for!
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